More Than Just A Piece In Their Game
by Danceprincess101
Summary: "I just keep wishing I could be more than just a piece in their game." I mutter. He smiles knowingly, remembering when he said that to me in this same spot before our first Hunger Games. "You know how you do that, don't you?" Peeta replies, his eyes glistening, "You play their game, but you play by your own rules." Post-Mockingjay, Pre-epilogue
1. Nightmares and Needs

**Hi guys.**

**This is my first fanfic, and I don't really know what I'm doing. Please bare with me. This story is from Katnisses point of view(so far). I'm still debating whether or not Peeta should have his point of view show. Any suggestions? I'd love to hear your comments, constructive criticize, and anything else you have to say. Like I said, I'm still learning, so if you have suggestions or anything, I'm all ears. I hope you like it:**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games, or it's characters or plotlines. Suzanne Collins is the Goddess who created those. She deserves all credit.  
**

I sit alone in my bed panting, sweating, and reminiscing my most recent nightmare.

_Peeta lay on his bed in the hospital room in district 13. I ran to him, missing the embrace of his arms. I yearned to be with him, to have him hold me, and tell me things would be okay. Instead of my thoughts coming true, he grabbed my neck, and whispered cold words as my breath suddenly became more desperate. "You're a mutt, nothing more than a terrible thing. Prim hates you. Gale hates you. __I hate you__." Those were the last words I heard as Peeta throttled the life out of me._

I woke up screaming. I don't know for how long, nor do I care. All I wanted at that moment was for Peeta to be there and tell me it wasn't real. I wanted him to comfort me, and kiss my troubles away. But he wasn't there, because the capital took him from me.

After calming myself down, I strode over to the window and opened the curtains. Bright streaks of sunlight pushed their way into my room. The warmth felt good after hearing such cold words.

I looked out the window, checking to see if the primroses Peeta had planted were still there. It's been nearly a week since he planted them, but I worry about them constantly. They haven't blossomed yet because it's only mid-spring. Days are mildly hot, nights still as cold as winter. Yet, everyday I check to see if a primrose has begun to appear. If prim has come back yet.

Most days I'm disappointed because it hasn't budded yet, but just the sight of it makes me happy. Besides the pearl, it's one of my only physical things from Peeta left.

I checked my watch, and saw it was 10 am. Time to get up I suppose. I walked over to the bathroom slowly, listening to the sound of my footsteps. This house was too empty. It needed happiness; people to give it life. Prim used to be able to do that. She lit up every room just by smiling. And she smiled a lot. Hearing her laugh made others laugh. No matter how much pain she was in, she would always strive to make people happy. Ever since she's been gone, this house hasn't been the same.

It takes all I have not to break down crying. All I've done since returning home from district 13 is cry. Little things are what trigger me. Thinking of Prim, going back to my old house, and basically anything that I can associate with the war trigger my emotions. I know I need a distraction, something to pull me out of my abyss of sorrow. But, the only thing left that might do that hasn't spoken to me, let alone contacted me, in over a week. As I brush my teeth, I decide what I'm going to do today. What I _need_ to do today. I must go see Peeta.

After my shower, I put on a cute outfit for my first day out of the house. Until now, Greasy Sae has been taking care of me, but I realize that the only way I will ever heal is if I become more independent. I pull on my typical black pants. I feel most confident in these because they were a newer version of my hunting pants. Made by Cinna, of course. It always helps to have him with me. Kind of like a reminder to be strong. He always believed in me, and now his clothing gives me the confidence to believe in myself.

Next, I picked a pale blue V-neck shirt. It was almost periwinkle, but not quite. It was long sleeved, but thin. Even if it was warmer outside, I wasn't quite ready for everyone to see my scars. Lastly, I strapped my black hunting boots to my feet. It felt good to wear real clothing again. For the past few weeks I would only wear pajamas all day.

I walked over to the mirror and braided my hair in my signature side braid. My hair had become longer since the war. It was almost down to my ribs, about on my heart. I glanced at myself from the mirror. Staring back at me was the same Katniss I always saw, only different. I was thin, much thinner than before the war.

Yet I thought I looked pretty, besides my scars. Most of those were covered, only a few on my face and neck showed. Normally, those few scars would have bothered me. But today, for some reason, I didn't mind them. It showed who I was, what I had been through. It made me, me.

After descending the stairs, I made myself a quick omelet and gobbled it down quickly. I wasn't much of a cook, but Greasy Sae had taught me a few things before leaving me alone to fend for myself. Noodles, omelets, and toast. Other than that, I was clueless when it came to cooking.

Before leaving the house, I took one last peek at myself in the mirror. I hadn't seen Peeta in over a week. What if planting the primroses was only a kind gesture? What if he really didn't want to see me anymore? What if he _hated_ me?

_No_, I told myself. _He doesn't hate me. I just need some confidence in myself. I need to make things right before it's too late._ I smiled and winked at myself, before walking out the door and slamming it behind me. Look out district 12; Katniss Everdeen is back.


	2. Troubles in Town

**Hi guys(it's me again),**

**so I just wanted to thank everyone for reading this story. If you've made it to chapter two, you've probably somewhat enjoyed it, or just wanted to know what happens next. Either way, it means a lot that anyone is reading it. I love reading reviews, good and 'bad' ones. What you have to say impacts my story, and hopefully makes it better. So please, continue reviewing. And now, without further ado, chapter 2!**

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own the Hunger Games, it's characters, or it's plotlines. Credit is given were credit is due, and that was all the brilliant works of Suzanne Collins.  
**

I walked on the road through the Victors Village. I kept my pace slow and steady. Slow enough to give me time to think about what to say to Peeta when I saw him. I don't want to trigger anything that could end fatally, but I want him to see my affection is still there. Or, at least I still care for him. _Baby steps_, I thought.

By the time I reached the hospital, I had a full plan devised. At this time, I started to look around and see what of district 12 was different. One thing was the hospital, which was directly connected to the medicine factory by a bridge on the second floor. It was a pure white, square building with many windows. The medicine factory looked almost identical, except it was a few stories smaller, and had a slightly gray tint. Besides the nature around the building, the only splotches of color were pieces of paper hanging from walls and poles. One of them read:

Delly's day care. For tots and youngsters alike. Grand opening next Wednesday.

Wednesday was in exactly one week. I wondered if this was the same Delly who had helped Peeta recovered. _Great_, I thought_, all my thoughts link to Peeta now too. _ I looked at the next sign, which was purple. It read:

Mellark's Bakery. Just like old times. Grand re-opening on Wednesday.

My heart fluttered when I read the name. Peeta was re-opening the bakery! How exciting. Although, it seemed a bit odd that all these events were on Wednesday. Then it hit me. Of course! The official opening of district 12 was Tuesday night! It would be a giant party-honoring district 12. I never considered attending before now. Maybe I would be able to talk to Peeta then too.

I continued my walk until I reached the center of town. Most shops were closed; just a food market was open.

I walked over to the bakery, which was on the left side of the town square. Although it was in a new building, the bakery was at the same location as it was before the war. Besides the size of the bakery, it looked almost identical to its original version. Same square like structure. Same brick walls. Same double glass doors.

The old bakery had been a bit smaller, too small. This one was just the right size. I crept around the back of the bakery until I found a window low enough for me to peek through. Peeta was inside kneading some dough. His strong biceps tensed as he pushed and pulled the floury substance, while his hand delicately kneaded it into different shapes and patterns. He always had such a way with his hands. Strong, yet loving.

Jealousy enveloped me suddenly. I wished I were the dough, feeling Peeta hold me like he used to. Desperately I needed him back in my life. I missed the way his hands would rub up and down my arm to calm me down, always stopping around the elbow to give a light tickle. I loved the way his arms fit around my body. I wanted him. I needed him.

I was stuck in thought for so long, I didn't notice him finishing kneading the dough. I came back to reality to watch him put the dough into the oven, wipe his hands on a towel, and turn to face my direction. I froze, then relaxed a bit when he turned away quickly and started to walk in the opposite position. _Come back, Peeta_, I silently whispered. At this point, Peeta did a double take suddenly realizing whom he had seen. He stared at me and yelled questionably, "Katniss?"

I turned and bolted out of the square. I didn't know where I was going, but I knew my feet would take me to the right place.

I heard the ding signaling the door to the bakery opening, but I didn't stop. I ran past the meadow, under the fence, through the woods, and straight to the lake. I sat down and curled up into a little ball at the edges, gently rocking myself back and forth.

My eyes fluttered shut, and I let them stay that way. Sleep began to engulf me as I felt someone's arms pick me up and begin to carry me. I wrapped my arms around their neck as we continued to walk.

Eventually, a door creaked open, and the person gently dropped me onto a bed. They tucked me in, and kissed my head. I continued to keep my eyes closed, but finally decided to welcome sleep when I felt the warmth of a fire come over me. Someone slide in next to me, and put their arms around me. I liked theses arms, and decided to cling to them until I fell asleep.

**I know it's short, but chapter 3 is already in the works of being created. I promise more action next chapter...and of course more of this 'mystery' person.**


	3. The Cabin In The Woods

**Hi guys,**

**I just wanted to THANK everyone whose taken the time to read, review, comment, or just visit my story. Like I've said previously, this is my first fanfic, so having all of your support definitely helps. Not to mention it makes me want to right faster. This chapter is much longer than the others, almost 7 pages double spaced on word. Lots of stuff happens. I hope you enjoy it.  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games. That belongs to Suzanne Collins.  
**

I awoke to the sound of cups clanking and the smell of tea wafting through my nose. The warmth of a fire was finding its way to my body as I stirred a little. Before I could stop myself, I realized I was mumbling.

"Peeta…Peeta…Peeta…" and so on. The dishes clanked a little, and I heard footsteps approaching. Someone reached my bed and whispered in my ear,

"I'm right here Katniss." I fluttered my eyes open and saw Peeta Mellark standing before me. Either in my time of sorrow I had downplayed how handsome I remembered Peeta, or he had somehow managed to become more attractive. His blond locks were a bit shaggy, yet they were the perfect length. His eyes were a mesmerizing blue that I found myself lost in. Above his upper lip was the beginning of a blond shadow. To put it simply, Peeta was HOT.

He extended his arm to hand me a warm cup of tea, while taking a seat next to me on the bed. I accepted it graciously, and began to take tiny sips. I couldn't possibly risk burning my tongue. When he was done with his tea, he finally spoke. I lay quietly, while sipping the rest of my tea.

"When I saw you peeking through the window, the first thought I had was to tell you everything. But then, you ran away, and just like that, I had lost you again. I didn't want that to happen. I couldn't let that happen." Peeta took a deep breath before he continued.

"So, I followed you. I didn't know exactly where you were going, but I knew it was somewhere in the woods. You're a pretty fast runner, but eventually you slowed down your pace and allowed me to catch up. I found you curled up by the lake. I didn't know how to get back, but I saw the outline of a little house in the distance. It was beginning to get colder, and I didn't know what other choice I had other than to go to the house. So I brought you here, to this little cottage. It's still too cold to go outside, but in the morning we can go back. That is, if you know how to get back." I smiled at Peeta's last comment. Even in the weirdest situations he knew how to amuse me.

When the impact of his words finally hit me, I looked at him in bewilderment. That was a lot of information to take in all at once. I blinked twice, and then formed a response.

"So…what time is it?" I asked stupidly. Peeta had just told me how hard he worked to help me, and all I cared about was what the time was. I mentally slapped my forehead. Luckily, Peeta took this as a step forward. We were finally on speaking terms.

"About 7. You were asleep for 4 hours I'd say." He replied. I didn't speak for a while, just swished around the little drops of tea still left in my mug.

"Katniss," Peeta said tentatively. I looked up at him and stared into his marvelous blue eyes. We held each other's gaze for a moment, before I looked away.

"I'm sorry. About everything. About not staying with you that night on the beach, about being cruel to you once you rescued me, and about ignoring you for the past few weeks. I was trying to protect you, but only managed to hurt you more than before. You probably don't even want to see me any…" Before he could finish, I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around Peeta. For a second, he didn't do anything. Then he shifted his arms and held me tight. I had been anticipating this moment for weeks, months, and years; for my whole life. I never wanted to end this moment. If given the choice, I would have chosen to live in Peeta's arms forever.

"I'm so, so sorry Katniss." He whispered in my ear.

"Me too Peeta, me too."

We stood there holding each other for what felt like seconds, but probably was more like hours. Peeta pulled away quickly, with a huge grin on his face.

"What" I asked questionably.

"Go sit by the fire Katniss." He replied slightly seductively. My heart lurched forward. I hadn't heard Peeta say something in that tone of voice for what seemed like forever. I had barely heard him talk period. What did he mean?

I decided to do as I was told, and sat by the fire. Peeta had set up a short table, and two pillows for us to sit on. The table was not exactly set, but it had plates and cups that were typically used for camping. He approached me from the kitchen carrying a platter of many mixed plants.

"Dinner is served." He said as he made a small gesture. I giggled silently, but let him see the smile on my face. I missed moments like these. I missed laughing. I missed being happy. I missed Peeta. But those things didn't matter, because now he was back in my life, for now at least. I decided right then and there to make a pact to myself_. I won't let Peeta slip away so easily this time._

I looked at the food on the tray questionably.

"What's this?" I asked pointing to everything. Peeta grinned and began to explain all the plants.

"This," he said pointing to an orange stick, "Is called a carrot." I laughed loudly.

"I know what a carrot is!" I exclaimed. "I meant, what is all this green stuff?"

"Oh. Well, remember training for the first Hunger Games?" I nodded. "Well, we both had spent time at that area for plants that are edible. I had focused on learning which green ones were good and edible and which ones weren't. Most things are green, so I figured it would come in handy. There wasn't exactly food in the cabinets, so once you were asleep I went on a search for food. And I came across is this stuff. It's pretty tasty. I don't remember the name, but I promise it won't kill you." I smiled at his last comment. I knew he must have been thinking the same thing as me. This food might not kill me, but in the Hunger Games it was probably meant to.

I begin eating, and realize the truth in Peeta's words. This food is surprisingly satisfying and filling, even though it's only vegetables.

We begin talking small talk; mostly about how Distract 12 is coming. He confirms that most stores are opening on Wednesday, after the official re-opening of Distract 12. The only reason the market is open is so people can survive.

I ask him about the bakery, and he tells me how he had to rummage through the remains of his old house and the bakery just to find certain recipes. Surprisingly, they were there, still intact. He tells me that designing and building wasn't hard, but he still has a great amount to do before opening day. He begins to get a far off gaze in his eyes when he talks about the bakery, and his home.

"Peeta?" I asked tentatively. I see his fists clench tightly and words form on his mouth. He whispers them to quietly for me to hear. Finally, he stops and releases his fists. At that same moment he lets out a breath.

"Are you okay?" I ask. I don't want what I think just happened to happen. I don't want to know that Peeta isn't okay. I don't want to face the fact that he's still damaged because of me. Because I was the girl on fire, who sparked a rebellion, and set it aflame. It's my fault.

"Yeah, fine I'm fine Katniss." I can see in his eyes he's hiding the fact that he just had an episode. A flashback of something terrible happening to him. He looks tired now, almost weak. That must have drained a lot of energy. I want to ask him what it was about; how can I help him. But I know now is not the time. He isn't ready to talk about it yet. So I wait.

Eventually, we finish dinner and go head to sleep. That's when things get awkward. He offers to sleep on the couch and give me the bed. I accept, but secretly wish he would join me. We both get ready for bed, and bid each other goodnight.

After we dose off, the nightmares begin. This time, worst than before.

_ I lie on the ground minutes away from reaching President Snow's home. I see Prim there, smiling at me with her ducktail in back. She waves at me, as the parachutes begin to fall. "Run Prim! Go! Hide! Get away from here! It isn't safe! I have to protect you!" I scream, but she just looks back at me with worried eyes. "Prim!" I yell right as a parachute lands in her hand. I hear the explosion, and I know I've lost her._

I know I'm kicking, and screaming, and who knows what else when Peeta find me. His arms find their way around my body, and begin to rock me back and forth. I continue panting and shaking, unable to control myself. He brings a soft hand to my head and begins to stroke my hair.

"Shhhhhhh. Shhhhhh. There, there Katniss. It was just a dream Katniss." I hear him say calmly. My breathing has begun to go back to normal, and I find my shoulders relaxing. I allow myself to lean back and lay on him. Peeta lies back, and lets me cradle my head on his shoulder.

I turn over, so I'm lying on my side, and put a desperate hand around Peeta's abdomen area. That's when I realize he isn't wearing a shirt. Even though I knew Peeta didn't really like wearing shirts to bed, I had almost never seen him without one. I snuck a peek, and see he's just as beautiful with his shirt on, as off.

I smile to myself, laughing at the giddiness I get from him. I used to make fun of the girls who would drool over boys. And now, I'm one of those girls. If someone had told me that when I was seventeen I would be like this, I wouldn't have believed them, and probably would have slapped them in the face.

I feel Peeta's fingers on my chin, as he tilts it upwards. Before I have time to respond, he kisses my lips briefly. The sensation I get fills my body, and the hunger begins. I want to act on it, but I compose myself and just stare into the blue abyss, that is Peeta's eyes. He stares right back, and I can see he's contemplating something. Finally, he speaks.

"I feel it. There's something there. A spark. A little piece of me ignited. But I'm not ready for this. Not yet." I nod, and realize what he's saying. It's not that he isn't ready; he doesn't trust himself around me. The little episode he had today must have been nothing like what they normally are.

Peeta gets up to go back to the coach, but I push him back down lightly and manage to mumble a meek, "Stay. Please." He looks into my eyes, and must see the desperation.

Whether because he wanted to, or because he felt he needed to for my sake, he stays with me that night and holds me. I roll over, and feel the warmth of his body against mine. We lay in the spooning position. I reach for his arms, and wrap them around me. I don't want to miss an opportunity to feel his touch. The rest of the night I spend in his arms. For once, I manage to get some sleep; some amazing sleep.


	4. Taking Things Slow

**Hi guys,**

**If your on chapter four, I assume you've either enjoyed this story, or just wanted to know what happened next. Either way, something brought you here to read this next chapter. Please review and tell me what you think. I love hearing from the readers, and finding out whats good and bad in my story. For example, do you guys think I should put any of this story in Peeta's POV? Review me the answer. And now...chapter 4!  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games or any of its characters and plotlines. It belongs to Suzanne Collins.  
**

I wake up to see sunlight streaming into the cabin. I breathe in and out, remembering the wonderful sleep I've experienced; next to the most wonderful person in the world. I feel his arm around my stomach in a tight grip. I can't help but smile thinking about how protective of me he has been. And hopefully, how protective he will be again.

I roll over so that I'm facing Peeta. I stare at him. His breathing is slow and heavy, his eyelids closed calmly. He looks peaceful. I'm tempted to kiss him, to wake him from his dreams, but I restrain myself. _We said we would take things slow, start over _I tell myself. Still, the hunger from last night lingers. I roll back over, in order to look away. It's easier to control myself if I don't have to look at that beautiful face.

After about five minutes, I decide falling back asleep is hopeless. I slide under his arm and squirm my way out of bed without waking Peeta. He stirs a bit, and then begins breathing in his normal, heavy pace.

I look at down at him with loving eyes. How did he ever think I would be able to take things slow? After all our history, the games, a fake engagement, a fake child, and a very real love…at least for me it was eventually real. How are we supposed to start over, when already I have urges that are practically impossible to control?

I pace back and forth contemplating my questions. So many fill my head. I steal one more look at Peeta, hoping for an answer, and I hear him mumbling, almost to himself, my name. Nothing else, just Katniss over and over again. It's soothing really, and rhythmic. Kind of like a lullaby. Before I can stop myself, I lean down and kiss his forehead. A smile crosses his face, but he doesn't wake. He just continues to repeat my name. I smile, and then decide to go search the cabinet for leftovers.

I manage to find a few leftover vegetables. I'm not exactly sure what is what, but I devour them anyways. I take my snack with me to the couch and begin to contemplate my earlier questions. Those become too hard to answer, so I decide to just keep asking questions.

The hardest one, with the most questions coming from it, is what's going to happen to us now? Peeta said so himself, we were going to take it slow. Be friends I guess. But he must feel the inevitable that I'm feeling. At one point, things will be too hard to contain. The question is who will give in first, Peeta or me?

Deep down, I feel it is going to be me. I already am beginning to give in to my hunger. Peeta is staying strong. He really wants this to work, just as much as I do, but he knows we need to rebuild first. I know this too, but I don't want to wait. More importantly, I don't know how long I'll last.

Not feeling his touch is torture, not feeling his kiss almost life-threatening. How am I, Katniss Everdeen, going to be able to wait until he's ready? Until he thinks it's safe for him to be around me?

I don't realize I've been staring into space until Peeta touches my shoulder. I immediately snap out of it, and turn my head to face him. I see his eyes are still groggy, but he still smiles when he sees me.

"Hey." He manages in a small, sleepy voice. My heart melts immediately. Great, it's been less than 24 hours, and I've realized multiple times that slow isn't much of an option for me. Instead of pouncing on him with kisses, I smile back and inquire, "How did you sleep?"

"Better than I have in a while." He yawns as he says this. I feel taken aback by his words. It seems to me he might not be able to take it so slow either.

"Me too." I mumble quietly. He stands there for a few seconds, just staring into my eyes. I see the wanting staring back at me. The problem is, I'm not sure if it's my wanting reflecting out of his eyes, or his own.

Eventually, he walks around the couch and reaches out for both of my hands. I graciously take them and he pulls me up.

"C'mon," he says. "We better start heading back if we want to be back before eight." I look outside the window, searching to see if it really is only seven. Sure enough, he's right. Surprisingly, I'm happy that it's early. It will give me more time with Peeta later on.

As we walk out the door, I secretly wish we would stay. I want him to hold me every night, never to leave my side. I know this is an irrational thought, but I let myself believe that maybe, just maybe, he will hold me again tonight.

We walk through town silently, every now and then our hands grazing one another's. At first, I think it's coincidental, but then I notice it becoming more and more clear that he's doing it purposefully. _Very clever Peeta, very clever indeed_.

I'm beginning to see more and more that he wants me just as bad as I want him. However, it must be so much clearer in his mind how dangerous he can be if he has a hallucination. Maybe he is right about taking things slow. It would give us time to deal with his flashbacks, and maybe would be for the better. I try to believe this, but I know that it's no use. I don't want to believe it, which makes it impossible.

He walks me to my front porch, gives me a hug, and asks if I'd like to have dinner with him that night. My eyes nearly bulge out of my head with the thought of having dinner with Peeta. I compose myself before answering.

"That would be lovely." I surprise myself with my calmness. The way the words roll of my tongue in rhythm. Peeta smiles, and says,

"Okay. Come over around eight. Don't worry about what you wear, I'll be casual." My heart flutters as I watch him leave. I want to scream until someone tells me it isn't real. This can't possibly be happening. Peeta, the one who suggested taking it slow, wanting to have a date?

I finally collect myself and creep inside. I close the door by pushing my back against it, and then fall to ground. I'm literally dancing on cloud nine now, unsure with what to do with myself. It doesn't matter what I do. I have a date with Peeta later!


	5. The Other Side

**Hi guys,**

**I am super super super sorry for not posting for such a long time. I had a bit of writer's block, and wanted to incorporate some of your ideas. However, i ended up just writing about whatever I thought worked. No Peeta's POV in this chapter, or a flashback. However, next chapter may or may not have one of those things. You'll just have to wait and see. This time, hopefully won't take as long to post again. Anyways, I'd like to thank all of you for reading my story, and being patient with me. You all rock, and really do help me write faster. Especially those of you who review. Hearing positive feedback and your ideas in general makes this much easier to write. And now, Chapter 5!  
**

After a long, restless night, morning eventually streams through my window. I'm thankful for this. It saves me from my nightmares, and reminds me that tonight I have dinner with Peeta. I have a strange feeling in my stomach. Is it nervousness? Anxiety? Fear? What if I mess up? I seem to be pretty good at that. Especially when it comes to Peeta and I. We haven't exactly had a great relationship so far. I push these thoughts out of my head as I begin to get ready. The last thing I need is to walk into my first date unconfident. I can do this; I know I can.

I spend most of the day getting ready. Surprisingly, I find many things to do in order to get ready. I check my mom's old cabinet and find tons of cosmetics. To my astonishment, I discover many bottles of make-up, hair products, nail polishes, etc. Everything I could possibly need to look good is in a closet in the bathroom. Who knew? I rummage around a bit, searching for the right cosmetic, but end up just being confused. All the products look the same to me, so I decide to call my mom and ask her what to use.

I wander downstairs, and head directly for the phone. It's located in the kitchen on the edge of the counter.

I dial the number and wait to here the ringing noise. When it finally begins to ring, I realize that I haven't called my mother in weeks. Not to mention every time I've called her one of us breaks down crying about Prim. She doesn't even know about my feelings for Peeta! And she might get a bit suspicious if I ask about make-up, considering I've never been interested in that stuff until now.

When the phone rings for the third time, I hear a meek "hello" on the other side of the receiver.

"Mom?" I ask tentatively. The line is silent, but I can still hear my mom breathing.

"It's Katniss."

"Oh, Baby, I was worried about you. You haven't called in a while_." Great. How am I supposed to respond to that?_  
"Sorry, mom. I've been busy. Peetas' back. I saw him yesterday in town, and I plan on eating dinner with him. I…sorta…had…a… question."

"Sure, anything Honey! I'd be glad to help you." My mother responds. Her voice has taken a new lightness, and I let out a sigh of relief. No tears for this phone call. But I still can't figure out how to tell her I like Peeta. I go with my instinct, and try to just say it, but no words come out. So, I try again.

"Well, I...still…sorta…Peeta…yeah. So I wanted to look nice for tonight. Extra special. I found some old cosmetics in the cabinet in the bathroom, but I don't know how to use any of them, or which ones to use, or anything!" I can hear my mother laughing on the other end. I smile, understanding how silly my mother must think I am. I survived two hunger games, yet I can't even put on an ounce of make-up.

"Oh sweetie, I never thought I would here the word make-up leave your lips." I smile, and begin to laugh too. Three years ago I wouldn't have been caught dead putting on make-up, but I guess life changes people. I'm even astonished that I want to wear make-up. I guess Peeta just has that effect on me; he makes me want to be the best that I can be.

"Anyways, Katniss, I'd be glad to help you. I recommend just putting on mascara and eyeliner. It won't be too hard for you to figure out, and it will give you a more natural look. Try the circular mascara, and the black eyeliner next to the green pencil eyeliner. Send me a picture of how you look tonight, okay?"

"Of course mom."

"And if I were you, I would wear the dress I got you in 13. You haven't worn it yet, but you look HOT in it!"

"Mom!" I scream into the receiver while trying to suppress a laugh.

"Sorry, I couldn't help but tell you the truth." I giggle a little bit. My mom calling me hot…the war must have really changed her.

"I should go get ready, but I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Sure honey." My mom responds. I'm about to hang up the phone, when I realize just how much I miss my mom being there to protect and help me. Although the majority of my life my mother wasn't very helpful, she is the only family I have left.

If it weren't for her, I probably wouldn't have been able to survive the Hunger Games. Her not being there 100% of the time made me stronger. I wanted to make her come back to me and Prim, so I became independent in order for her to have time to cope with the pain. We may not have ever had a very strong relationship, but I want to have one. I want to rebuild what was lost, and gain new layers to our relationship.

"Hey mom?" I say, wondering if she hung up already.

"Yes Katniss?"

"Thanks, for everything. I really love and miss you."

"No problem sweetie." There's kindness in my mothers voice, as if she's been waiting for me to say those words to her. "I love you too, Katniss." With that, I hang up the phone, smiling. It's a different kind of smiling. Not the one Peeta makes me do. Not the one that Prim used wear. It's the type of smile you get when you know something's right.

Deep down in my heart, I know that rebuilding this relationship is right. I want my mom and I to be close. I want us to act like real mothers and daughters. It might be tough, it might take time, but I'm prepared to do it. Because I know it's worth it.

I climb back up the stairs contemplating just what I might look like tonight. I've never worn make-up before; will it not look like me? Or will I resemble a capital stylist, and end up giving Peeta a flashback?

When I reach the top of the stairs, I toss my thoughts aside. My mom told me that the amount of make-up she suggested would look natural. I'll still be me, only a girly-er version.

The first thing I do is search the cosmetic cabinet for mascara and eyeliner. I look over both bottles, checking to make sure they weren't tested on animals. Although I'm a hunter, I don't like when animals are in pain. When the make-up gets the 'all clear' from me, I decide to read the instructions on the label, and then follow them. By the time I'm done applying the make-up, l look like me, only with something more.

I stare blankly at the girl in the mirror before me. She's certainly pretty: soft lips, slightly colored cheeks, and fire in her eyes. A fire that's fueled by passion. But there's more than just passion in those eyes.

I move my hand and touch my face, bringing myself back into reality. I nod my head side to side, taking in the full view. I'm not just pretty; I'm beautiful. In my eyes isn't just passion, but sexiness as well.

The thought of me, Katniss Everdeen, being sexy scares and amuses me. Mom was certainly dead on when she told me that all I needed was some mascara and eyeliner to look good. But the idea of Peeta looking at my like this makes me rethink my decision to experiment with make-up.

He told me we were just friends, for now. Theoretically, me looking like this could potentially reignite our spark. So why am I scared?_ Because you don't want him to change his mind based on the way you look, that's why Katniss. Your scared he doesn't really love you, just the way you look. _The thing is, even though I think that might be why, I can't help but think that even if he loved me for my looks, he would love me for what's inside as well.

I walk out of the bathroom shunning myself. Why do I keep messing with my own mind, questioning everything I do! I should be focusing on just making things go as well as possible tonight, opposed to worrying about every little thing.

I glance at the clock and see that I have about ten minutes until I should be at Peeta's place. I grab the dress Mom was talking about, zip it up, and head downstairs. Again, I stop myself at the mirror before leaving. This seems to have become a habit.

I look myself over, and can't help but think something's missing. My dress is beautiful. It's maroon summer dress, with a band underneath my chest. The sleeves are sleeveless, and the neck has a soft V. My face looks well put together, yet natural.

When I come to my hair, I know that's the problem. It looks pretty in my usual side braid, but that's all. It looks pretty while everything else looks beautiful. It throws my look off balance. I make a quick decision to unbraid it, and let my soft curls free. My fingers run through my hair two times, before I look in the mirror one last time. I nod in approval, and head out the door.

When I reach Peeta's house, I knock twice and wait a bit. When he doesn't come, I knock for a third time. I hear footsteps, and then the creak as the door opens. I stare at the man who has opened the door, unsure if I know him or not. It's Peeta no doubt, but he looks…well gorgeous. I use all my strength not to drop my mouth wide open.

Peeta gestures for me to come in, and I do. As he closes the door behind me, I stop and take in the smell of food. It's slightly overwhelming. Before I can take another step, I feel the wall at my back, and my lips on Peeta's lips.


	6. Give It A Go

**Hi Guys,**

**I'd like to thank you all for your reviews. All of them are heart warming and make me so happy! So please continue reviewing! Sorry to leave you guys with a cliff-hanger last chapter. I hope you think the wait was worth it. I put in Peeta's POV in this chapter, but I wasn't really sure how it worked. I'd like to hear your opinions. Peeta's POV: Good? Or terrible? Or somewhere in between? Your opinions really matter to me, so please review me your answer (or any suggestions for future chapters). Don't be afraid to be brutal! Also, this is the longest chapter thus far. So, get excited to read it! Anyways, I hope you enjoy Chapter 6!  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games character, plotline, or anything else! Those belong to Suzanne Collins.  
**

I'm so confused by Peeta's sudden impulse, so I just stand there and let him kiss me. It feels so good to have his lips touching mine, but I have so many questions it's hard to enjoy this. What happened to taking things slow? Why now and not before? And most importantly, where did this come from?

The first answer I come up with is the obvious one; and also the one I've been dreading ever since looking in the mirror tonight. _Because of the way you look, that's why_. Yet secretly, I hope it was some sort of hunger inside him that just happened to erupt right now. I want to think that he was feeling the same hunger I was. The only way to truly find out why Peeta is kissing me right now, is to ask him. So, I make a mental note to do so after I enjoy this kiss for a bit.

At first, the kiss is innocent. Besides the fact that I was against a wall and Peeta's body was pressed against my own. But I felt the hunger I had hidden away resurfacing. Especially when the temperature in the room started to get hotter.

I finally manage to gather enough of myself in order to respond to his kiss. I push my lips onto his just as much as he is pushing his lips onto mine. He must understand the message I'm trying to send. The message asking for more.

Peeta glides his tongue lightly across my lips sending my senses into a frenzy and melting my heart. I immediately respond by replicating his action. By doing so, I'm giving him permission to go further.

I feel a smile brace his lips as he gently begins to explore my mouth with his tongue. He finds my tongue halfway through his journey and begins making circles around it. This makes it even harder to control my own hunger. I move my hands to the back of his neck, and begin to kiss him even more deeply. His body is pushing mine more and more into the wall. I kiss him feverishly, never wanting this to end. I've waited so long for a real moment with Peeta. Not one that was staged by the Capitol or the Hunger Games, but a real moment where we both were fully in control of what was happening. But just as quickly as Peeta had begun kissing me, he ceases.

At first, I just stare at him in disbelief, trying to process what just happened. Did we really just do that? Of course I know the answer, but instead of reminding myself, I just look down at my feet. I stare for a couple of seconds, reminiscing what just happened before finally being able to speak.

"Peeta." I breathe. I try to control the tempo of my breaths, but they remain staggered. At this point, Peeta has backed off my body a little. I miss his warmth, but I try to hide this from showing on my face.

"I…I…I…" Peeta begins; but then he stops. I move my eyes to look at his hands and see them clenched in a tight fist. My first instinct is to run, but my feet are planted. I look into his eyes and see the glazed look they get when he has a flashback.

"Peeta." I say, this time more worried.

"You!" Peeta shouts while pointing his index finger at my face. "You killed my family; you made me betray President Snow. It's all your fault that they're dead!" His words are cold, and continue to sting long after he says them. I don't want to respond, but I know that I have to try and help him escape his flashback.

"Peeta, I didn't kill your family. President Snow did. And if you just…"

"LIAR!" Peeta says as he pins me to the wall again. His hands are painfully making an indent on my shoulder blades. I bite my lip to hold back the tears teasing to come. "I know it was you. It's always you who causes trouble."

"No, Peeta. You have to understand that President Snow…he dropped the bomb on your family, not me!" I plead. The tears are falling down my face. I know it's useless what I'm doing, but I can't help it. I need him to come back to me.

"How dare you accuse the president like that?" He slaps me hard across the cheek. My face burns with anger, sadness, and humiliation.

"Peeta," I beg. "Peeta please. Come back to me." I'm sobbing uncontrollably at this point, and Peeta slaps me across the cheek again.

"You're a liar!" He says harshly. "And you're..." But he stops before finishing. I look up at him, hoping against hope that his eyes are no longer glazed. That he's back to normal. That the pain will end.

Peeta blinks a couple of times, and shakes a little bit before becoming completely back to normal. He looks at me, and his face turns into horror.

"Katniss!" He states. "Did I…do this to you?" I know he's referring to the big red mark forming across my cheek and the tears streaming down my face. All I can manage is a nod. Tears begin to fall down his face as well.

Without even asking, he lifts my legs up and cradles my head in his arms. He carries me to his couch, and then lays me down. I'm still shivering uncontrollably, although my tears have managed to stop. He looks me over, nods, and then goes into the kitchen. I curl myself up into a ball and rock back and forth. Sure I've been hurt much worse before, but never by Peeta, except when he wasn't in control of himself. The last time I really felt like this was in the hospital in 13. I'm not really being fair though. Technically, he wasn't in control this time either.

I decide to let what happened go, because it's the easiest thing to do. Peeta would never mean to hurt me, and I know it. It's not his fault that he has flashbacks. I go through the line of people to blame, but in the end the only person really responsible is me. I sparked the rebellion, therefore making his flashbacks my fault. So, if I can forgive myself, then I forgive Peeta. I've been forgiving myself more and more for the rebellion, so his flashback no longer makes me angry with him. The problem is trying to convince Peeta the same.

He comes back with three bags of ice. Two for my shoulders, one for my cheek. When the ice touches my cheek, I want to scream and shout because the pain is unbearable. But I know this would only make Peeta feel worse then he already feels, so I just cringe slightly instead.

I look up into his sparkling blue eyes. They're as magnificent as ever, only the sparkle isn't from happiness. It's from tears trying to escape his eyes. He breaks our eye contact before I have a chance to say anything.

I know Peeta isn't being cold on purpose, but when he walks back into the kitchen and abandons me on the couch, I can't help but feel unwanted. Like I shouldn't be here. The mood has been ruined, the kiss forgotten, and I think it's time I went home. I need to clear my head, and maybe even cry this one out. I'm trying my hardest to stay strong, for Peeta's sake at least, but I know it's no use. I'm hurting, and no matter what I tell myself, it's because of Peeta. _No, not Peeta, it's because of the Capital and what they did to him. _

I sit up and feel the pain surge through my whole body. Without making a sound, I slowly turn around to face the direction Peeta is facing. He's very carefully placing food on a plate. I feel ashamed to leave, seeing how hard Peeta is working. But then, I hear the whimpers escaping his mouth, and I realize he doesn't want me here either. He might not want me to go, but it's the best option for both of us.

"Peeta," I manage to whisper. He turns to look at me, which only makes me feel worse. I take a deep breath and then continue.

"I think I should go home. You need time to recover, and I think it would be best if we…if we…" The words begin to get lost in my throat. Yet, I choke out, "postpone this to a different day." I see a look of sadness and exhaustion envelope Peeta's face. I know he doesn't want to postpone this, but he agrees with me. He nods, walks over to me, and hands me the plate of food.

"Here, take this with you Katniss. Don't worry about bringing the plate back tonight. Goodnight." I take the food, and then leave quickly. Although every step is painful, I force myself to continue. Once I'm safe inside my home, I allow myself to break down.

After eating the meal meant for two by myself, and still tasting the saltiness of my tears, I decide to go get ready for bed. I'm physically and mentally exhausted. I pull on an oversized t-shirt, a pair of pajama shorts, and rebraid my hair. Then I go to the bathroom, brush my teeth, and hop into to bed. All the while making a strong effort not to look in the mirror. I know that I must have bruises, red marks if nothing else, but I'm not ready to face them. To look at what Peeta did to me. I'm unstable as it is; I don't need something else to push me off balance.

As I lay my head down, I let myself cry one last time. It feels good, and I know that as my last tear escapes my eyes and sleep begins to envelope me, that everything is going to be okay. It has to be.

**Peeta's POV**

After she leaves, I allow myself to cry. I couldn't do it in front of her. Why should I be crying? Nobody beat me up! Compared to her condition, I should be smiling. But the fact that I hurt her, the fact that it's my fault she's in pain, makes me break. I'm not as strong as everyone thinks. Maybe physically, but mentally, I'm just as scarred as everyone else.

Somehow, I manage to wander up to my bedroom. The house feels lonely, and I desperately wish Katniss was still here. If only I hadn't acted on my feelings, then tonight would have been perfect. She doesn't deserve to be treated so terribly. Not to mention, she probably never wants to see me again. How am I ever going to get her back? Or, at least get the chance to apologize.

As I continued thinking, I prepare for bed. I wear my usual: no shirt, a pair of pajama pants, and a lonely expression. As I drift off to sleep, I can't help but think of Katniss. Even if she didn't want to see me again, I would have to try and win her back. I've lost her before, and I'm not planning on losing her again.

**Katniss's POV**

_I'm running, but I don't know as to where or why I'm running. I find a tree, and feel that I need to climb it. I make it to the top just as I here the barking. It becomes excruciatingly loud, and suddenly I know what's chasing me. It's mutts._

_Frantically, I begin to climb higher, hoping they won't get me. Another capital creation won't hurt me. I won't let the capital keep hurting me. But it's useless; one of the mutts is racing up my tree too fast for me to beat. I look into its cold eyes, and see they belong to President Snow. As it begins to get dark, I kick my legs trying to escape this horrible nightmare I'm living._

I wake up screaming at the top of my lungs, and kicking like a mad woman. I hear someone come into the room, but I don't bother to open my eyes. I suspect it's Peeta, but I want him to calm me. Even though I want to kiss him, I don't want to make him any more uncomfortable than he already feels. So, I pretend to still be asleep. Truthfully, it isn't too hard.

He walks over, and starts rubbing my back. The motion really is comforting, and I stop kicking and screaming. He takes a breath, and walks around the bed to the other side. I hear him crawl in with me, and wrap his arms around me. The touch of his bare chest against my shirt feels so comfortable, that I have to struggle not to turn and kiss him. Even after a terrible night, he still cares about me. One of his hands caresses my arm; the other continues to rub my back. I feel myself falling back into sleep, but this time I'm okay with it.

"Katniss," I hear Peeta whisper. His voice is right in my ear, but it isn't a cruel tone. It's sweet. I pretend to sleep while he continues.

"You know I never meant to hurt you. I never want to hurt you. And, I'm going to do everything I can to fix this. I'm so, so, sorry." His voice becomes shaky as he chokes out the last words. I feel his tears on my neck. I can no longer stay still, no matter how badly I want to. I shake free from his grip enough to turn and face him.

"I know you didn't mean to Peeta. I want you to know, that if you ever get lost in those trances, I'll try my best to be there to find you. You don't have to go through this alone. I know I might get hurt sometimes, but I'm prepared." I stare into his baby blue eyes, while he stares back. Once I'm finished, he says, "Your amazing, did you know that?" and plants a soft, quick kiss on my lips. I smile and turn back around.

"Will you stay with me again tonight?" I ask. I'm too wiped from the events of the night to go through another nightmare.

His face nods into my neck. It sends tingles through my body, but I ignore them. Peeta wraps his arms around me, and nuzzles his face into my neck more. I push all the questions beginning to form in my mind away. They can wait for tomorrow. As we spoon, I close my eyes, and welcome sleep as though it were an old friend.


	7. Macaroni and Mayhem

**Hey guys,**

**I'm super super super sorry for not writing for such a long time. High school is a lot harder than it looks, especially being a freshie. Besides that, I became very involved with the Percy Jackson series and Heroes of Olympus series. I finished all the Percy Jackson books, but I haven't finished Son of Neptune or read Mark of Athena yet, so please NO SPOILERS! Both series are by Rick Riordan by the way, and I recommend them to everyone. They are phenomenal. Back to what I was saying, I got a bit caught up, and a bit of writers block. What brought me out of my writers block was actually making macaroni and cheese. The thing that happens to Katniss in this story...it happened to me a few days ago. Gave me quite the scare. I guess the moral of the story is: If you have writers block, make macaroni. Enjoy chapter 7!  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything that belongs to the Hunger Games (which includes plot, characters, setting, etc.) That all belongs to the wonderful Suzanne Collins.  
**

I slept pretty soundly through the night, and only woke once. I just finished a wonderful dream about the days when my whole family was alive when I woke. It was twilight outside, and everything was eerily quiet. I shifted a little, in order to turn into another position; but then I realized there was another person in this bed. I had completely forgotten about Peeta and the events of the night. They flowed back to my quickly, and I breathed a sigh of relief. For a second there I though a murderer might be in my bed with me.

I looked down and saw that Peeta's hands were still grasped together around my waste. I smiled down at them. His hands looked as strong as they did when he was kneading dough. My mind journeyed back to when I first saw Peeta after the primrose incident. I was jealous of the dough, of Peeta kneading it and holding it. It seemed silly now, but I was still grateful that I had taken the dough's place.

My eyes shifted further down my body, and I saw that Peeta's leg was intertwined around my body. I hadn't noticed it there before. It turned my smile into a grin. Of course I knew that Peeta probably hadn't intentionally put it there, but the thought that it was there gave me butterflies-in the girly sort of way.

For a brief second, I just looked at us. We must have been the oddest thing that ever happened to me. Theoretically, we were just friends, who had feelings but never truly defined them.

Sure we had gone on a date, but that had ended miserably. Yet, we still managed to be there for each other. I suppose that was a relationship in itself.

Sometime soon, things would be different. We couldn't continue being 'friends' like this forever. Either something was going to happen that would make us a couple of lovers, or vice versa. The thought exhilarated and frightened me.

I was used to playing games, but never love games. Being with Peeta made it hard to know what to think, how to act, what to do. I had never given it much thought, but Peeta made me feel different.

I rolled back over, exhausted from thinking too much. _Whatever happens happens, _I decided. With that, I closed my eyes and went back to sleep.

When I awoke next, it was morning. I could feel the heat radiating off the streaks of sunlight coming from my window. I turned over, instinctively, to the side of the bed Peeta lay in last night. Instead of finding him there, my hand touched cold crumpled sheets. Groggily, I opened my eyes and saw that in fact Peeta wasn't there.

The bathroom was open, so he couldn't be in there. He clearly wasn't in bed, and that only left him either being downstairs or at his house. I prayed silently that he was only downstairs. A few moments later, my prayers were answered. Barely audible was the sound of pots and pans clanking. As expected, Peeta was probably cooking or baking.

I decided not to bother him, and instead wash up. After tossing and turning and a couple of nightmares, I probably looked horrendous. When I reached the mirror, I couldn't help but gasp. My cheeks were the color of blood, my eyes slightly purple. I tugged at my nightshirt, and uncovered my shoulders. Where Peeta's fingers had pushed into my skin now lay the outline of his hands in the form of a bruise. I looked…broken.

Someone put their hand on my shoulder. I glanced at them in the mirror and saw it was Peeta. He was looking down, ashamed.

"I did this to you Katnisss. I'm so sorry." He murmered. I closed my mouth, realizing how rude I had been by having it open.

"It doesn't hurt. Really it doesn't. Peeta, I'm not blaming…" I began to say, but I was rushing through my words and making it hard to understand what I was trying to say. Peeta put up his other hand as if telling me to stop.

"Katniss." He said. His tone was soft, yet harsh. I knew he was hurting just by seeing what he had done. I wanted to comfort him, tell him it didn't matter. But we both knew that was untrue. He had kissed me, and this was what happened. What if we had spent more time together? Would worse happen?

He kissed my cheek, and I felt one of his tears dripping down my face.

"I should go." He mumbled. He walked away leaving me looking at myself helplessly in the mirror. I wasn't the only one who was broken; he was too.

The rest of the day I spent mopping around the house feeling sorry for myself. I don't know why I was acting this way. Peeta just needed some space, that's all. He wasn't intentionally pushing me out. But then again, he hadn't intentionally kissed me, or hurt me. I guess "intentionally" wasn't really much of an excuse.

After lunch, I finally figured out why he was pushing me away. He needed to forgive himself. I made a mental note to give him some space. If forgiving himself was all he needed, I could be patient. But deep down inside, I knew patience was not one of my strong points.

I went back upstairs and laid on my bed. Last night, things had been so different. In this same bed, there had been two people. Instead of being confused, I had been happy. How had things managed to change so quickly? If Prim were here, she would know the answer. She would probably say something like, "We can't appreciate the good if there isn't bad, so you need a balance" or "I'm sure you two will work it out. You always do. I mean you survived two Hunger Games, a fake marriage, and a fake baby! What can't you two take on together?"

She would probably go into examples too. Maybe she would mention how we survived together in the cave. I took care of Peeta, and went to a feast to make sure he was safe and became healthy. And when I was injured, he cared for me. I could almost hear Prim's voice echoing in my ear again. "That's what you do for people you care about, Katniss. You take protect and care for them. You always took care of me, and mom, and the Hawthornes. It's what you do. It's what you'll always do."

Thinking about Prim made me sad, but it did help me answer my questions. This was just another obstacle thrown in Peeta and my paths. But we would figure it out; after all it's what we always do.

Days went by, and Peeta and I had barely had a conversation. When I would see him in the market, we would exchange hellos and a smile, but never anything more. I missed Peeta, especially at night when the nightmares came. But I also hated seeing that pain in his eyes. The pain he got when he saw the bruises on my skin. I tried to hide them whenever I was in his presence, but my shirts always managed to slip slightly and show a faint purple mark whenever I was in front of him.

It was as if the universe wanted him to see my bruises. _Then again, this wasn't the first time the universe had worked against me._

In order to busy myself with things other than Peeta, I went back to hunting. It felt good to be back in the woods, and to be able to sell my meat to a real butcher-not just the Hob. Still, life was lonely. Tuesday was tomorrow, which meant tomorrow night was the night of the party celebrating the re-opening of District 12. I know Peeta seemed to need some space, but this was getting ridiculous. He and I needed to talk.

As I did most nights, I put a pot on the stove and began boiling water. In Peeta's absence, Greasy Sae had come by a couple of times and taught me more cooking skills. Making macaroni was one of them. I loved macaroni and cheese, especially when the noodles came in different shapes. The Mockinjay shaped noodles always amused me; they were my favorite.

I took out the box with a Mockingjay on the front, and took the cheese packet out. My train of thought went crazy. I was thinking about cheese, then about cheese buns, about Peeta and how he made the best cheese buns in the world. I started to feel depressed, but I managed to compose myself to finish cooking. Absentmindedly, I poured the box of Mockingjay noodles into the pot. And that's when I screamed.

At the top of the water were little black bugs. They were tiny, but plenty large to scare the living daylights out of me. They looked repulsive, squirming and trying to escape the boiling water. There must have been about nine or ten of them floating at the top. Instinctively, I turned off the stove, and ran into the living room. I sat on the ground, formed my body into a little ball, and started rocking back and forth. It wasn't cold in the house, but I could feel myself shivering. I was petrified.

A few minutes (at least I suspect it was minutes) the door opened.

"Katniss?" a familiar voice asked. I knew it was Peeta, but I couldn't face him. Yes, I had missed him for weeks, but I didn't know what to say to him. Instead, I just pointed to the pot on the stove filled with noodles and critters.

I heard Peeta walk over to the pot, so I turned around to face him. He looked at me and made a motion with his hands, as if asking what was wrong. I pointed to knobs that turned on the stove. He turned the knobs, looked into the pot, and immediately his expression changed. It was kind of funny, seeing Peeta as alarmed as me. But, I was too scared to laugh.

Peeta took a deep breath, turned off the stove, picked up the pot, and tossed its insides into the sink. I walked over to make sure it all went down.

"There, now every last ounce of…that is down the drain." Peeta said matter-of-factly. "Now, was that so bad?" I couldn't suppress my laughter. He was treating me like a six year old! In retrospect, I was acting like one. It was so out of character for me to be afraid of bugs. I had killed plenty of them in my life. I had even lived with them in the woods and in the Hunger Games.

"I guess I was just caught by surprised." I managed to mumble. He looked into my eyes, and I saw the pain returning. I stared back for a minute, then walked over to the couch and reformed my body into a ball.

I couldn't stop the tears from streaming down my face. I don't know exactly why I'm crying: maybe because Peeta was finally here, but I got the feeling it was because I knew Peeta was going to have to leave again soon. He was only here to protect me, not because he wanted to be here.

Peeta walked over and put his hand on my shoulder.

"Katniss," He mutters. Just hearing him say my name is like putting salt on my wounds. He says my name gently, yet I can feel the agony seeping through his body right now. I want to say something to him, but instead I just sob louder.

Luckily, he leaves. I'm relieved and upset. There goes my chance of fixing things with Peeta, or messing up our relationship up further. But a few minutes later, he comes back in and sits next to me. I haven't moved and inch, which doesn't leave him much room to sit. He twiddles his thumbs anxiously, and keeps opening and closing his mouth.

Peeta clearly is having trouble talking, but he manages to say, "Hey, you wanna…um… come outside...for a minute?" I look up at him questionably, but he just motions for the door.

We walk over in silence, with me in front. I open the door, and immediately my eyes roam to the porch ground. On the porch is a banner that says, "Katniss, do you want to go to the festival with me tomorrow?" There are other things on the banner; symbols that represent me like a Mockinjay. I turned to Peeta, and swing my arms around his neck.

"I'll take that as a yes, then." He jokes. I just nod.


	8. Start Again

**Hey guys,**

**This chapter I had a particularly good time writing. See if you can notice all the parallels between Katniss and Peeta. I feel like they never get enough credit for how alike they truly are, so I decided to write about that. I have plenty of chapter left to write, but the pace of the story is going to be picked up a bit after the next couple of chapters. Just a heads up. Speaking of heads up, I've decided to give anyone who reviews me a sneak peek of the next chapter. I've selected a certain part of Chapter 9 to send to anyone who reviews. So please review!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything that belongs to the Hunger Games. That all belongs to Suzanne Collins.  
**

**This is Katniss Everdeen's dress. In case my description wasn't descriptive enough.** product/periwinkle+lace+dress+ ?sortby=ourPicks

I want to kiss Peeta, to show how happy I am that he took me out of my agony. But I hold myself back, still shaken from the previous event. Also, there's a lingering thought in my mind that he hasn't completely forgiven himself for hurting me. He might be okay for a while, but if another incident happened, he might not be able to forgive himself.

I push that thought aside. I shouldn't be over-thinking this. I'm not hunting prey, or fighting the capitol. No need to think too hard.

"So…um…I'll pick you up at 8?" Peeta questions. I snap out of my trance, and nod my head enthusiastically.

"Great," he says with a smile. "I have to go back to finish cooking dinner. I sort of ran over here with cheese buns in the oven. Would you like me to bring you one…since your dinner is down the drain?"

"That would be amazing Peeta." I reply. He walks across the street to his house, goes inside, and leaves me alone.

When he comes back, we share dinner. Every now and then he 'accidentally' brushes his hand against mine, touches my thigh, or kicks me under the table softly. I don't mind at all. Personally, I find it pretty cute. But I still feel him restraining himself. It's as if his insecureness radiates off of him. I want him to open up, the way he did in the woods, or before our date went horribly wrong. I feel like a stranger in his presence, and I want to feel loved.

After he leaves, I wander upstairs and get ready for bed. Over the last couple of days, I've been able to look at myself. My bruises are practically faded, and my scars even seem lighter. I brush my teeth, put my hair in its typical side French braid, and turn off the lights.

The next morning, I rise at 8-giving myself exactly 12 hours to get ready. The first thing I do is go hunting. I haven't been in the woods for days, and decide I need to go back. It feels so good to hear the crinkle of leaves as I walk, and feel the freshness of the air in my lungs. Being back in the woods couldn't make me happier.

The game I collect isn't much, but I don't need a lot. A couple of rabbits, three birds, and I managed to get a small turkey. I bring them all to the market, were many people gratefully accept. I don't ask for money, because I'm fine with the money I have from being a victor. However, the owners insist, and I give them very low prices for my game.

When I get back to my house, I go into get-ready-to-be-girl-a-fied mode. First I eat I hearty breakfast, and then I shower. With my hair in a towel turban, and my fuzzy robe around me, I walk over to my closet. Within this closet are many things. All of my "wedding dresses" are inside, along with every dress Cinna ever designed for me. All my dresses were his creations, which makes picking one out almost impossible.

I think back to one of my millions of talks with Cinna. I could always talk to him about anything. Even about Peeta, when I wasn't sure how I felt about him. One piece of advice he always told me was, "With Peeta, keep it simple but beautiful. He admires the small things that others might not see. You're a simple girl, so a simple outfit will always make other see you best." Over the year, I keep thinking about him saying that. I look through my closet, and choose a periwinkle dress with a lace top and a skirt that looks a bit like a ballerina skirt flattened. The skirt is tulle, with a ribbon connecting it to the top. It's strapless, which makes me nervous, but I know I can pull it off. For some reason, it jumped out at me when I was looking through the closet. I lay it out on my bed, and look up silently thanking Cinna for everything he's done for me.

Next, I go into the bathroom and apply make-up. During one of the days Peeta was avoiding me, I decided to try out make-up in order to see what looked good on me, and what didn't.

I managed to rummage through a couple of my mom's old magazines too. I learned how to do a Smokey eye, draw a line around your lip, and many other make-up techniques. I decide to go with the theme of my keeping it simple for my make-up. It's easiest, and looks natural.

Carefully, I put on eyeliner, and mix blue and gray eye shadow together. Having the Seam look gives me gray eyes and brown hair, so I try not to contrast that too much with my make-up colors. The blue blends with the periwinkle in the dress, yet isn't too overpowering to look unnatural.

Next, I unwrap my hair turban. My wet curls unravel around my face. I look in the mirror, hopelessly wondering what on earth I'm going to do with my hair.

**Peeta's POV**

When I get home from a long day at the bakery, the last thing I want to do is look nice. I'm sweaty from the heat, and covered in flour. Yet, I know from the gentleman's handbook that I need to look nice for a pretty girl if I want to keep her. So, I somehow manage to stumble into the shower.

As I rub my hair with shampoo, I can't help but think of how tonight is going to go. Hopefully, I won't have another episode. Not that I can really control it, but maybe my mind will decide to give me a break and not go "all crazy" on me. I've been trying so hard to restrain myself from doing something stupid like kissing her again. I can't afford to hurt her again-at least not so soon. I know she doesn't mind, but seeing her hurt and upset breaks my heart. It makes me feel things I never thought I'd have to feel again after the Hunger Games.

Metaphorically, I imagine my troubles washing down the drain along with the remains of soap. If I want to make this night special, I need to let everything go. I really like Katniss, and my worries will only make me do something stupid. If I really want to impress her, I need to do something special. Something that will blow her away. I smile wryly at myself. My plan is ingenius; that is if it works.

When I step out of the shower, I use a towel to shake the water out of my hair like a dog. I glance at the clock and see that it's a little after 6. Afterwards, I stroll over to my closet. I have every suit Portia made me. It's nostalgic to wear one tonight. She never told anyone except me, but the suits she made represented me; not just my district. The patterns, colors, or even just the way they were sewn somehow connect to me. Every suit was made to make me feel confident. I pick out the suit Portia gave me to wear after the first Hunger Games. I don't know if Katniss will recognize it, but I hope she does. She might not understand why I'm wearing it, but it's to represent us. When I wore this suit, it was during an interview with Caesar. The possibilities with Katniss seemed endless! And now, a couple of years later, I feel the same way. Anything could happen between us, good or bad.

After buttoning the last button of my black suit, I walk over to the mirror to see how I look. Katniss deserves only the best, and I want to give her that. In the mirror, I see the person I had imagined being. My hair has lightened after being in the sun so much. It's so blonde, yet with a yellowish tint. The black suit has lines that are greyer across it, representing that not everything is always as easy as it looks. Portia thought that was a good value from the Hunger Games-and for my relationship with Katniss. I pull my blue bowtie into place. It blends with the color in my eyes, although it's more of a periwinkle color.

I approve of myself, and I hope Katniss will too. I want this night to be perfect, and even if I mess up, I want her to be proud to be with me. Normally, I don't mind how I look. It's never been too important to me before. But when it comes to Katniss, I want to deserve her, make her want me in ways she might never have thought of before.

I descend the stairs, and go into the kitchen. My house is practically parallel to Katniss' house, which always make me happy. Sometimes I wonder if she's doing the exact same thing I'm doing. The clock now reads 7 pm. I make myself some dinner, and sit down on the kitchen table. After I finish and put my dishes in the sink, I go back to the table. On the table is a vase full of Katniss flowers. They're beautiful, and always make me smile. I truly appreciate flowers; they're so delicate and seem to just flow with life. I especially like Katniss flowers. They remind of her, which makes this the perfect bouquet to give her tonight. I tie a periwinkle ribbon around four stems, and walk out the door at precisely 7:57.

I knock on her front doors, holding the flowers in one hand, and my anxiety in the other. My eyes keep darting around me whenever I hear a sound. I hate to admit it, but I'm really nervous. I've never really done something like this for anyone, and Katniss is the top of the critic list in my mind. After years of liking her, and failure after failure with her, I need this to work. It might be my last chance with her.

The door opens, and the most beautiful girl is standing before me. I smile at her, and all my worry washes away. This is our night, I can feel it.


	9. Fix You

**Hey guys!**

**So I must say, I was very impressed with the amount of reviews I received from the last chapter. I hope I can get the same amount of feedback in this one as well. Sadly, this might be the last chapter for a while. Homework is getting harder, and I have to start writing a position paper for MUN. I'm sad about it too, which is why it's taken me this long to write this chapter. I wanted to make sure I left you with what I consider a good chapter. Lots of things happen in this chapter, and I must say I think you will be at the edge of your seat by the end. The song is by Coldplay, and I don't own any of the lyrics. I was listening to that song when I began writing this chapter, and the rest just flowed. I hope you like it! I'll try and post again as soon as possible. Reviews with certainly help me review faster though. If I get...15 reviews I'll be sure to post next week. Lastly, (yes I know this has been a really long authors note) I wanted to pass on a couple of good stories I've read previously. The Mortal Instruments series is amazing! I'm only on City of Glass, so please no spoiler. The second is my sister's fanfiction. She has two stories right now. One is called "Without The Berries" by Penguinlover1229. The sequel is called Deja Vu. I haven't finished reading all the chapters in her second story, but from what I've read they're both good. Check them out if you have time. Thank you all so much for reading! (By the way this chapter picks up from the last chapter with Peeta's POV)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Hunger Games. It belongs to Suzanne Collins.**

She's wearing a beautiful periwinkle dress, and has looks that would make any guy stop and stare. Katniss is no longer a child, but rather a woman. I've watched her grow up before my very eyes, but she never truly dresses up. I couldn't tell you for sure, but I think my heart might have skipped a couple of beats after seeing her.

**Katniss' POV**

He's gaping in the doorway, and I can't help but smile. All my hardships from the past few years are finally paying off. I hate to say it, but it's about time.

Peeta stretches out his arm, gesturing me to take his hand. I do so gratefully, and giggle silently to myself. I feel like a princess from one of the old storybooks my mother used to read to me.

On the walk to the dance, we make small conversation. Nothing too exciting; just exchanging fun facts about our days. He tells about the bakery, I tell him about the woods. Same old, same old.

When we reach the dance, I'm utterly surprised. It's in the town square, with flashy lights and plenty of dance floor. Immediately, I grab Peeta's hand and pull him onto the dance floor. I see some of the teenagers who used to go to my school dancing, and I can't help but smile. After years of sadness, leading up to a war, finally there's happiness.

I look over at Peeta, and see he's just smiling at me and standing completely still. How could he stand still at a _DANCE_ party?

"Your cute when you dance, did you know that?" he asks politely. I stick my tongue out at him mockingly.

"Well it's called a dance party for a reason. Because you dance." I sneer back.

"I don't exactly dance."

"What? Everyone can dance!"

"No, not me." He admits shyly. I stare him down for a second, and then grab his hand again.

"Come on, I'll teach you how to boogie-oogie-oogie!" I say while moving my hips. He laughs, and for the first time in a while I forget what I'm doing. I just enjoy the moment.

Sometime later, after mingling with just about everybody, Peeta and I decide to sit down at a table and just talk.

"So, I hear you've been hunting lately. Find any good game?" He asks.

"Yeah, but I've mostly been hunting for my own benefit. To clear my head."

"Ah, I see. I've been thinking a lot too lately." I wait for him to elaborate, but he doesn't. Peeta looks down at his hands, and leaves me clueless of what to do next. So, I do the only logical thing I can think of. I ask.

"What about?" He sighs, and finally brings his eyes up to look at me.

"About you mostly." He responds meekly. I can feel my face getting redder, and I see the piercing look in his eyes. Even when he's confused he looks as attractive as ever.

"Me too." I say back.

**Peeta's POV**

Just as she says that, the song _Fix you_ begins to play. I rack my brain for the right thing to say. All this time, I've thought she didn't care. Even when she said she did care, I thought she was just confused. Something about the way she said, "me too" made me began to believe her. Maybe she really could love me someday.

As smoothly as I could muster, I ask, "Would you care to dance?" I make sure to add a little bow. She smiles sincerely, which I take as a good sign.

"Of course!" She responds sweetly. I grab her hand, and without thinking I kiss it. Her face turns slightly pink, which can't even compare to how mine must look. I shrug off this awkward situation, and put myself in another one that is only slightly less awkward. We walk onto the dance floor. It sparkles beneath us, changing colors frequently. Slowly, I put my hand on her hips just as she puts her hand around my neck. I listen to the words intently, hoping for some advice on what to say.

_When you try your best, but you don't succeed  
When you get what you want, but not what you need_

After a few uncomfortable seconds of just swaying, I decide to break the silence.

"Katniss," I manage to mumble. She looks at me, waiting for me to continue.

_When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep  
Stuck in reverse_

I take a nervous gulp, and let my eyes scan her face anxious.

_And the tears come streaming down your face  
When you lose something you can't replace_

My eyes meet her gaze once more, and they seem to tell me that it's okay to say what I have to say. I take another deep breath.

_When you love someone, but it goes to waste  
Could it be worse?_

No, it could not be worse. I need to tell her what I've been thinking. Now.

"I never thought you truly cared about me. I thought I was always just a part of the games to you. Nothing more." My head feels woozy, but my words sound confident. She stares at me for a second, almost appalled. Then, a feeling of shame crosses her face ever so quickly. In the blink of an eye, her face goes back to being calm.

_Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you_

"I didn't want to," She responds. "I didn't want to care about you at first. In the games, I was sure I was going to lose you. I couldn't afford to become attached to you just to lose you. I couldn't bare to set myself up for heartbreak." She pauses before continuing. "When we were in the second games, I felt the same way. Even those feelings I was beginning to have, I pushed away. I tried to save myself from getting hurt, and instead I hurt you in the process. Remember when we were in 13, at the hospital? I was going to tell you everything. Confess my horrible secrets, tell you how I felt. But, I couldn't. You had changed. I had missed my chance with you. While trying to protect myself, I broke my own heart. For the longest time I thought I had totally blew it. You hated me, and it was my own fault. It was my fault that you had to do any of this. If I had never volunteered, you could have won the games without faking love. Snow never would have captured you. If it weren't for me, you could be _happy_." She chokes on the last word, and begins to sob uncontrollably. I pull her into my arms, and let her cry into my shoulder.

_And high up above or down below  
When you're too in love to let it go  
But if you never try you'll never know  
Just what you're worth_

I lean in, and whisper into her ear.

"Katniss. You don't see do you? I wasn't happy before. All I did was stare at you from a distance while my mother beat me. No, I was certainly not happy. The Hunger Games were the first time in a while that I had been even the slightest bit happy. Even though we were fighting to our deaths, just knowing that I was protecting you and keeping you safe was enough for me. And even on the beach in the second arena, I saw the sparkle in your eye when I gave you the pearl. Making you feel that emotion, if only a spark, made me happy. And all those times at the capitol when they would torture me, it didn't matter. You were safe, and looking for me. It's always been you Katniss. You're the one that makes me happy. Not my old life; just you."

_Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you_

She doesn't respond for what feels like the longest time. I keep running my fingers through her hair, in a soothing way.

_Tears stream down on your face_

_When you lose something you cannot replace_

_Tears stream down on your face_

_And I…_  
Her sobs have slowed, and I can feel her breathing going back to normal. I cling to her tightly, letting her know it's all going to be okay. Even if she doesn't know it yet, I know it will be.

_Tears stream down on your face  
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes  
Tears stream down on your face  
And I..._

"Peeta?" She timidly asks. So lost in my own thoughts, I hadn't even seen her move her head off my shoulder.

"Yes?" I reply in the calmest tone I can muster.

"Let's leave. It's almost midnight, and I have something I want to show you." Her eyes are still red and wet from crying, but her tone has changed drastically. She sounds almost excited.

"Okay." I agree. My mind instantly begins to imagine every scenario possible for what she wants to show me. I come up with too many logical reasons, so I just forget and let myself be surprised.

As we walk down the same path we came down earlier, I put my arm around Katniss. Besides the fact that it's beginning to get a bit chilly, I feel the need to keep comforting her. At the party, she basically admitted everything she's ever felt. That must have taken a lot of energy. Especially since I know I feel pretty exhausted. When we reach her house, I can hear the end of the song muffled.

_Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you_

I smile to myself. Something about this song just feels…right. Especially at this moment, when things are beginning to look bright for us.

**Katniss' POV**

I open the door to my house, and lead him upstairs. Although I'm nervous, I try my hardest not to show it. The last thing I need is Peeta getting the wrong idea about why I brought him to my bedroom.

Without glancing back to see if he's following, I continue to wander towards my bedroom. I hear his footstep behind me, and assume he's still tracing my steps. I open the door, and walk hurriedly over to my nightstand. I open the drawer, and take out the jar that once held a gift and had a parachute in my second hunger games. I hand it over to Peeta.

"Open it." I demand. He looks at me funny, and then moves his finger across the jar. Eventually, he hits a button and the top pops open. His eyes meet mine, asking for permission to look inside. I nod my head, and wait for his response.

At first, Peeta is in pure shock. I'm not surprised, given I would be too. Especially because he had been thinking previously that I didn't care for him. Peeta looks at me curiously, as though looking at me for the first time.

"You kept it." He says in an astonished tone. "All this time, you've had it with you. In a safe place. And to think I always thought-"

"That I didn't care for you? That it was always just a game for me?" I ask. He nods.

"It's always been more than that to me. Even if I didn't want to believe it, it was never just about getting me out alive. It was so much more." I say. He reaches his hand into the silver metallic jar, and pulls out pearl he gave me on the beach; on a night so many years ago. He examines it in his hands carefully. Seeing him in such disarray makes me happy. I've always made him happy, but now he's genuinely delighted.

He puts down the pearl, and closes the jar. As he slides the drawer shut, with the jar back inside, he grasps my hand.

"Thank you Katniss. You have no idea what this means to me." He says. I smirk and reply, "I bet it means a lot more to me than it does to you, lover-boy!" He returns the smile, and then does something that truly surprises me. He leans forward and kisses me gently. I can feel the hunger inside me rising, but I let it be and don't act on it. I've missed the soft touch of his lips, as well as the way he makes my whole body tingle when his lips meet mine. Those same feeling returns as I feel him deepen our kiss. Whatever previous control I had on that hunger is gone now.

I take a step back, making sure not to break our kiss. My ankle hits the edges of the bed, and I resist the urge to say "ouch". I can feel his tongue swirling around mine. Cautiously, I begin to sit down, hoping Peeta will get the message I'm trying to send. He does, and goes down with me.

Peeta breaks our kiss, and looks at me questionably. As if to say, "Are you sure?" I give him a smile to tell him I know just what I'm doing. I roll over to the center of the bed and lay on my back. Peeta crawls over and puts his body above me. His elbows propping him up are the only things separating us from touching. He leans down and begins kissing me again. He starts slow, and then goes back to our previous tempo. At this point I'm breathing hard, overwhelmed with emotions. I'm so overjoyed that he's kissing me; it takes all my energy to kiss him back.

"Did you really do that?" I ask questionably.

"Yeah, of course! Do you think I would lie to you about putting sleeping powder into Haymitch's alcohol before the second games? I had to make sure he'd stop drinking, and know whenever he was drinking. Whenever he was tired, I could assume he had been drinking. And, when he was tired he didn't feel good. So he stopped drinking. It was very effective!" Peeta replies. I try to stifle my laughter, but it goes flowing out of me like a river.

I smile at Peeta whose sitting across from me on my bed while we play cards. Our kissing session ended, and I invited him to stay the night. He went home and changed while I changed at my house. Since we were both energized from the ecstasy, we decided to play _Go fish_ in order to help us become sleepy. It's almost midnight, but I don't care. Spending time with Peeta is more important. In order to catch up on events we missed, we decided to play 20 questions. The questions turned into stories.

"So Katniss," he says, "Who taught you to hunt?"

"Oh, my father of course. We hunted together all the time. After the accident in the mines, I was on my own when it came to hunting. I still hunted by myself, but it was never the same; that is, until I found Gale. We found each other accidentally, but learned to trust each other. From then on, I always hunted with him. Two was better than one, and we received more game. I was never lonely. Things were great."

"Huh. So I guess that means you would most definitely beat me in an archery contest?" he asks sarcastically. I throw a pillow at him while giggling. He catches it, then leans down and kisses me quickly.

"I stole a kiss! Whatcha gonna do about it?" Peeta says childishly. I let out a big yawn, and rub my eyes before answering.

"I don't know, but I'll think about it in the morning. I'm too tired right now." I ball my legs up against myself, and squeeze my way under the covers. Somehow I manage to get under the covers on my back. Peeta cleans up the game, and switches on the night light by his side of the bed before turning off the lights. He saunters back over to the bed. Peeta's blonde hair reflects the light and makes his hair look golden, while the light makes his v-neck white shirt look see-through. I smile at him, while continuing to check him out.

Once we're both in bed, I roll over so my back is to Peeta. He puts one arm around my abdomen, and presses his body against mine. The touch sends a wave of tingles through my systems, but my only response is interlacing my fingers with his around my stomach. He turns out the light, and I'm out like a strikeout.

I wake up to sound of the phone ringing. Slowly, I wiggle my way out of Peeta's grasp. The noise doesn't wake him, which I'm thankful for. I walk downstairs to the kitchen where the phone is located. I'm so happy from last night that there's a bit of a skip to my walk, and a hum to my words. I look at the number on the phone, and see the area code on the phone is from District 2. Absentmindedly, I pick up the phone.

"Hellooo?" I sing into the receiver.

"Hey, Catnip!" I feel my whole body freeze at the sound of that voice. I know it very well. Perhaps all too well.

"I just wanted to tell you," says the voice on the phone, "that I'm coming to town soon." I nearly faint from astonishment. It's Gale.


	10. Growing Up Together

**Hi Lovelies!**

**I am dearly sorry that I could not post this chapter sooner. That last chapter ended in a cliff hanger(to say the least) and I for one absolutely hate waiting to know what happens. This chapter picks up where the last one left off(as in with Katniss's POV), but 3 months later. Hopefully I'll be able to get another chapter up in around a week. Winter break is coming up, and that means more writing time! Expect a lot to come soon. Please, please, please, please review. And now...chapter 10!  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games, including it's plot or characters. Those belong to Suzanne Collins.  
**

* * *

"I still don't see why you have to leave!" I stammer at Peeta. He looks up from his suitcase and into my eyes. He looks tired, exhausted from all the events over the last few months. Ever since Gale called, three months ago, telling me that he would be coming in, things became harder. Although Gale stated he was coming in strictly for capital business, Peeta wasn't so convinced. Personally, neither was I. But I agreed to meet with him. At the very least I needed the closure with him before I could pursue Peeta further. Peeta agreed that he was fine with Gale coming, even with Gale staying in one of our guest rooms. It seemed like Gale's visit was going to go well, until Peeta told me that he was going to district four that same week. His reason was something about bread. Either way, I was, and still am, not happy about him not being there.

"You don't need me here, Katniss. Its just Gale." He replies calmly. I glare at him, desperately racking my brain for a snappy comment. I give up, and go with the second best thing. Guilt.

"I do need you, Peeta. I always have. What if it's something about Prim? Or the Hunger Games? What if I can't handle it alone?"

"Katniss," Peeta says as he turns around and reaches for my hands. His touch sends chills through my body instantly. "Your strong. The strongest woman I know. Don't be afraid, even if it's unknown. It'll be better for you if I'm not here when you hear what he has to say. If not because you need to handle the Capitol business on you own, then because you need the closure with Gale. I can't be here for that to happen, and I think you know that. I'll be back before you know it, you'll see." He releases my hands, turns back towards the bed, and zips up his suitcase. I stay where I am, leaning against the wall with my arms crossed over my chest. Although I know he's right, I hate saying goodbye. Every goodbye feels like it might be the last one. You learn to think that way after being in the Hunger Games. Safety becomes a myth, and even though it no longer is, old habits die-hard.

He pushes his suitcase off the bed and onto the ground, and turns back to look at me.

"Walk me down?" He asks politely. I smirk and nod my head. We descend the stairs in silence, and end up at the door faster than I would have hoped. I resume my position as devil's advocate just as he goes to the closet to grab his jacket. Although it's only August, Peeta claims that he needs to have a jacket just in case.

"I just don't understand why you had to go this weekend! Do you really hate Gale that much?" I exclaim. He turns around, and flashes his baby blue eyes at me. I blush slightly. It isn't out of character for me to show my strong emotions, but I may have been a bit over the top this time.

"Katniss, we've been over this. Cassy scheduled my trip. There was nothing I could do unless I wanted to blow off the whole thing, which would have resulted as a very bad business move on my part. It was amazing that the bakers from district four, who hadn't died in the war against the capital, agreed to meet with me and discuss recipes and teach me how to make the district four bread; let alone meet with me so soon! Most of the other districts haven't even responded to my request yet! I need to do this Katniss. It's part of fulfilling my dream."

Once he's finished I avert his eyes. When Peeta's right, it's impossible to argue while keeping eye contact. He has the ability to make you believe whatever he says. I find it an attractive quality, yet not at this moment. And, it isn't entirely his fault either. Cassy, his new assistant and an old friend of his from school, made the trip. He didn't plan for it to be on the same day as Gale's visit; it just ended up that way. This really is a big moment in his life. I shouldn't be angry with him, but rather overjoyed.

Even though most of my anger has subsided, I still feel the loneliness growing inside my heart.

"I just wish you weren't going to be gone for so long." I mutter half under my breath. Peeta's fingers find my chin and tilt it upward so that I'm staring into his eyes. He looks at me curiously, as though for the first time, before leaning in and planting a soft kiss on my mouth. It's short and sweet, and just right. When he pulls away his eyes meet mine, and linger there.

"It's only a week Katniss. Less than the time we spent apart after the Second Hunger Games. I know you can do it, Katniss. Besides, I'll be back before you can say _Mockingjay_." He winks at me, quickly kisses me on the cheek, turns the doorknob, and leaves. I stare at the open door for a few seconds, processing that Peeta just left.

"_Mockingjay_." I mumble almost silently, before closing the door and heading back upstairs.

* * *

I sit alone in the bedroom for a while before I hear a distinct knock at the door. At first I assume I just imagine it. _Peeta couldn't be back so soon, could he?_ But then, realization hits me, and I slowly get off the bed and go downstairs. Even before I open the door, I know its Gale. The knocking pattern was the same one he always uses. Yet, I'm still surprised when the door swings open and I see a man in front of me instead of a boy. Gale's hair is still brown, and he's as tall as ever. Of course he has muscle, since he's a hunter, but a nice button down shirt and a pair of slacks replaces his normal raggedy clothing. A small bag is slung across his left shoulder, overflowing with files and clothes. He flashes a brilliant smile at me as he walks through the door.

"My, my, Catnip." He beams. "You've become a woman since I last saw you. In fact, I don't think I've ever seen you look better." I look down at myself, checking to see if what he says is true. I'm wearing my usual: black hunting pants and a white short sleeve V-neck. Not amazing, but I guess not to bad either.

"You look pretty good, too." I reply back. We stand awkwardly for a moment, before I rush up to him, jump into his arms, and give him the biggest hug I can muster.

"Oh Gale," I say. "I missed you so much! I thought that the best of our friendship had already passed, what with the bombs and Prim and…" But Gale cuts me off with a long, soothing "Shhhh."

"It's okay, Katniss. I'm here now. And by the time I leave, not only will we have talked about everything from the moon and back, but we'll be better friends than ever, just wait and see." He reassures me. I lay my head onto his shoulder, as he strokes my hair; just like old times.

"Katniss?" He begins. I lift my head off his shoulder as he puts me down. "Do you have anything to eat? I'm starving." As if on cue, his stomach lets out a low growl sending us both into a fit of laughter.

"I'll see if I can whip up something." I reply with a hint of sarcasm. Gale walks over to the island in the kitchen, pulls out a chair, and then plants himself upon it while I go to the pantry to scrounge for food. Luckily, I find some bread and peanut butter. I make my way over to the island, and begin to make us peanut butter sandwiches. Once I'm finished I hand him one triumphantly.

"Impressive. I didn't know you even knew how to cook!" Gale mocks. I stick my tongue out at him, and then proceed to eat my sandwich. After a few bites, I lay my sandwich down, and cut to the chase. The anxiety is killing me.

"So Gale," I begin. "Although I'm glad you're here, why exactly did you come?" Gale reaches into his bag and pulls out a green file.

"Precisely for this reason. This," he says as he points to the file, "is a capitol file on Madge. And before you ask, this is the same Madge whom was the governor's daughter. Remember how she 'died' after they blew up her house? Well apparently those bodies were fake. I don't mean they were someone else's, I mean not bodies at all. However, they are exact replications, and would never have been identified had we not found the real Madge." I look at him in astonishment.

"Do you mean to tell me Madge is alive?" I ask.

"Exactly." He replies. Madge is still…alive? That can't be possible.

"Wait, if she's alive, where has she been?" I inquire. So many questions continue to fill my head about Madge. What on earth is going on here?

"She's at a recovery hospital in the Capitol. My guess is she'll be there for a while. You asked where she's been? Truthfully, we're not entirely sure. I found her wandering around district two with a man; both were bruised badly and had many gashes. They were brutally hurt. Of course I called for and ambulance right away, and got them safely to the hospital. Madge and this man, Blake as she calls him, both had major memory loss. She remembered everything up until the day before her house was blown up. Yet, bits and pieces she can recall. Madge remembered a bit about these 'fake bodies'. It's very advanced technology, Katniss. I'm not even sure I understand it all myself. The basic gist of it is that they gave Madge a bracelet. She could never take off the bracelet because it's attached to her skin. This bracelet took blood and skin tissue from Madge's wrist, and held it inside of itself. As I understand it, the 'clone' body has a computer chip on the inside of its wrist. The DNA from Madge's bracelet is transferred to this chip in order to make a solid hologram. Should Madge take her bracelet off, all that would be left of the "body" is the chip. The chip can make a fake identical body, yet the body is limp. It cannot move. Makes a pretty good dead person don't you think? Sure had me fooled."

"But, but...how does Madge know all that? Who told her? How did she find out?" I don't ask the question lingering in the back of my mind._ Does anybody else have a bracelet? Like Prim maybe?_

"She doesn't remember. I've been talking to her a lot lately. I'm familiar to her, and she's willing to tell me what she remembers. Blake is in intensive care and can't speak; mostly because of shock. No information has been taken from him yet. In Madge's dreams the images are the most vivid. She told me she keep seeing needles, and blood, and fresh white rooms with an artificial, eerie glow. It sounds to me like she was a lab rat for this process. It's hard for her to talk about what she doesn't know though. The two clearest things in her mind from over the past few months are the replication thing, and Blake. He's her boyfriend apparently."

"And to think I always thought Madge was going to end up with you. Are you okay with her and Blake?" I ask thoughtfully. Gale burst out laughing, leaving me to nervously giggle.

"After everything I've talked to you about, you want to know if I'm okay with Madge and Blake? You definitely are still the same, Katniss Everdeen." He adds playfully. "And of course I'm okay with it. Oh! That reminds me, I have other news to tell you about." He reaches into his bag and pulls out his wallet. He opens it up and inside is a picture of him and Johanna with their arms around each other.

"No way," I gasp. "You and Johanna. Who would have thought?"

"Yep, Me and Jo." He says lovingly. "Nobody would have guessed it. Not even me. After the war, she came to district two too. She didn't have a reason to go back to district seven, and I offered to help her get a job in two. She stayed with me for a week, and I guess you could say we hit it off right away. It's a whole new world living with Johanna, I'll tell you that. She's crazy, and wild, and amazing all at the same time. I think I might love her, Katniss." I can't suppress my giggles or the smile crossing my face.

"Oh Gale, I never thought I'd hear you say _love_ and _her_ in the same sentence. This is fantastic! Wait until Peeta finds out…he'll…he'll…he'll be…" I stop my sentence as a feeling of sorrow washes over me. "He'll probably be happy." I finish meekly. Gale looks at me with concern in his eyes.

"Katniss, is something wrong?" He asks. My eyes meet his, and I shrug.

"I don't know. It's just, Peeta has been gone for hours, not even a day, and look at me! I'm a mess. I can't even talk about him without losing it." A tear trickles down my cheek. Gale lifts his hand and pushes it away gently.

"Looks like I'm not the only one in love." He whispers. I just nod and laugh.

"The problem is he deserves someone much better than me." A look of horror and shock appears on Gale's face.

"How could you say such a thing, Katniss? You're beautiful! Not to mention, smart, cunning, and an amazing hunter. Stop hiding your pretty face from the world. You want to know your best asset? Your smile. And you know who makes you smile the most? Peeta. If you give him up, you'd be throwing away all your potential. He makes you powerful, and enhances everything you have to offer. If you think you're unworthy of him, then I don't know who is worthy!" Gale exclaims. "Besides, if there's one thing I'm sure of, it's that Peeta loves you. He would do anything for you. There isn't any other person on this planet that he would like to be with, other than you. Your his perfect match, Katniss."

"You really think so?" I question.

"I know so." I smile at his words, and realize just how much having Gale in my life means to me.

"I for one am glad you came. It's good to be talking to you again, Gale."

"Me too, Catnip. Besides, if I don't have you, who am I going to tease? Not Johanna, that's for sure!" I break out into laughter, and throw the remains of my peanut butter sandwich at him. It hits him dead in the center of his face, causing him to laugh with me. And just for this moment, I'm sure of one thing too:

The good times are back.


	11. Gale Knows Best

**Hi guys!**

**I know most of you out there in reader land were upset with the 'Peeta drought', so I tried to incorporate him more into this chapter. However, he isn't completely back until next chapter. Never fret though, he does make an appearance-sort of. This chapter was mostly about relationships people have with Gale. He was such an amazing character in the books, but I always felt like he was trying to take Katniss away from Peeta. In this chapter it shows a side not shown in the books: how close Katniss and him are, and the budding bromance he shares with Peeta. As always, please review. Enjoy!  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games. All of those wonderful works of literature belongs to Suzanne Collins.  
**

After a catching up with Gale for a bit, I show him to his room, help him unpack, then bid him goodnight. It's a lonely walk up the stairs to the bedroom. Normally, I ascend the stairs with Peeta by my side; constantly stopping to whisper sweet nothings in my ear or kiss me because he felt like it. That normally continues until we reach the bedroom. I'd like to call it 'our' bedroom, but I don't know if Peeta thinks of it that way. Sure, he stays with me most nights (he only doesn't if he's sick or something), yet I feel as though he still considers it my bedroom. I suppose it technically is mine, but perhaps it becoming 'our bedroom' wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

Once I climb into bed, I can't help but notice the emptiness around me. The aroma of Peeta still lingers, and his presence fills the room. But the fact that he himself physically isn't there continues to break my heart. What if he doesn't come back? He doesn't have to. All that he has in district 12 is the bakery and me. Both can be replaced. _No_, I scold myself, _they can't both be replaced. You cannot be replaced with the snap of a finger, no matter how much you believe it._ _Just because you're feeling unwanted doesn't mean you can go and become some crazy depressed girl. You're strong Katniss. It's only a week_.

"Only a week….only a week…only a week…" I mumble as I begin to fall asleep.

_I walk through the seam, following the path from the woods to my house. Home. Just the word in my mind eases all my troubles. It feels like ages since I've been here, although it's only been a matter of hours. I stroll into the house and find Prim waiting by the doorway to a bedroom._

"_Good, you're here. I thought maybe you weren't going to come back." Prim says with a brilliant smile._

"_I always come back, Prim." I reply. Her smile turns grim, and her features turn from light to dark._

"_No you don't, Katniss! Where were you when I needed you! Where were you during the Hunger Games? Or what about when I had boy troubles? Where were you when I needed you to guide me while we were in district 13? You weren't there! And you still aren't!"_

"_Prim, what are you talking about?" I protest._

"_You're supposed to save me, Katniss! Where are you! WHERE ARE YOU!" she shrieks as her face turns ghostly white. She's sobbing uncontrollably, but when I reach out to touch her my hand goes right through._

"_I'm trying Prim," _I scream, "I'm trying to find you! I'm trying to save you! Help me goddamn it! Help me!"

Someone begins to shake me awake, as I begin to break down as well.

"Shhh," Gale whispers as he rocks me back and forth. "It's okay Katniss, it was just a dream." I cry into his shoulder, and feel a sense of relief to know it didn't really happen. At the same time, I know what Prim said is true. I've failed her when she needed me most. I wasn't there to stop the bombs, and I'm not doing anything to find out what happened to her.

"What was it about?" Gale asks gently.

"Prim. We were fighting. She was yelling at me…for not saving her, and I was the fool who didn't know what was going on." I mutter. Gale gives me a tight squeeze before I continue.

"Gale?" I ask meekly. "Did Madge say anything about Prim? Did she see her wherever she was?" He takes a couple of minutes before he responds.

"Actually Katniss, she sort of did. I asked her what she remembered about a lot of people, Prim included. She said she was tall and had a scar under her chin. I didn't think much of it, just something maybe I hadn't noticed before. Now that you ask though, I'm starting to wonder if maybe Madge and Prim were together. Prim never had a scar under chin, did she? And when the bombs blew up, Prim was holding one. It could have easily scarred her on her chin from the explosion-that is if she survived. If you want, we can go see Madge at the end of the week." He replies. My face lights up immediately. Just knowing that it wasn't my fault completely that Prim is not with me now makes me feel better.

"Yeah," I say groggily, "I would like that. Gale? Will you stay here with me tonight? Normally Peeta keeps my nightmares away. As it is, he isn't here. Do you mind?"

"Not at all, Catnip." He holds me until I've settled down enough to lie down and sleep. His warmth radiates off him, keeping me from shaking. My mind begins to wander again as sleep teases my eyes. Eventually, I fall asleep in his arms, wondering what the future may bring, and who may come with it.

* * *

When I wake up, I sit by the phone waiting for it to ring. Peeta never called last night, and not yet this morning. He never promised he would I just thought, well hoped, he would call. When Gale finally wakes up and finds me in the kitchen by the phone, he smiles and says, "Waiting for him to call I see?" I just nod. He saunters over to me and puts a hand on my shoulder.

"If it makes you feel better, Johanna hasn't either." I smirk at Gale, but do feel considerably better.

"Yeah, but she's Johanna. Miss independent. This is Peeta. I just thought, you know, that he would want to check up on me and stuff." I stifle a sob. Why I'm getting so hurt by this I'm not sure. My best guess is because I've been on an emotional roller coaster for the last few months, continually getting emotional whiplash. Peeta always has been there to help with these sorts of things. Not to mention that normally he cares about what's happening to me. Isn't he at all concerned about what Gale might have said to me? So why didn't he call?

"I'm sure it's nothing, Katniss. You know how he is when it comes to bread. Whole-wheat makes him nearly pee himself. Imagine how excited he must be learning secret recipes. He'll call, don't worry."

"But what if he doesn't?" Gale scrunches his face into his thinking expression, and after a few moments, snaps his fingers with an "Ah-ha!" I look at him like he's crazy.

"What?" I inquire. He strides over to the phone and dials Annie's number.

"Let's call Annie. See what's going on with Peeta. He's staying at her house, right?" I nod as he continues. "Great. And I'll talk so you don't look desperate." He flashes me a sarcastic smile while I roll my eyes. I am secretly thankful that Gale is taking care of this. He pushes the speaker button on the phone, and we hear the phone ring three times before a sweet, innocent voice meekly says, "Hello?" I immediately recognize it to be Annie's voice. Poor Annie. Facing so many struggles. What with a newborn, baby Finn, and the grief from her husband. My mind wanders back to Madge. Did Madge see Finn? Could he maybe not be dead too?

"Hi Annie! Long time no speak. It's Gale in case you couldn't figure it out. This is Katniss' phone. I'm staying at her house this week. As I understand it, Peeta is at yours. How is he?"  
"Oh, Gale! It's so great to be hearing from you. Things are a bit crazy here, but other than that all's well." From the other side of the phone, I hear a baby let out a loud yap, and Annie shout "PEETA! CAN YOU TAKE THE PHONE?" A moment later the sound of a phone being exchanged is heard, and then a new voice asks, "Hi, Peeta Mellark speaking. As you probably heard, Annie has a bit of a situation to deal with. You see Finn just ran over his foot with a toy train, and…wait. Who is this?" I smile at Peeta. Even over the phone when he doesn't know he's talking to me, he makes me like him even more.

"Hey Peeta. It's Gale, using Katniss' phone." There's a pause, and all I hear is Peeta breathing on the other end. My mind starts racing, thinking of all the possible things that could be going through Peeta's head right now.

"Is Katniss there?" He finally responds. Gale looks over at me, and shakes his head no. I also shake my head no to confirm that he shouldn't tell him I'm here.

"No, she's still asleep. She had some nightmares last night, and I made sure that she sleeps in a little later in order for her to get the right amount of sleep." I silently thank Gale for being so good at lying.

"Thanks, bro." Peeta says.

"Anytime. So, how's district four?" Gale asks.

"It's awesome. I'm learning so much about the history of their bread. Did you know that…" But Gale cuts him off saying, "Dude, spare me the details." I soundlessly laugh at them. Last year, they might have been considered enemies, and now they talk as thought they're best friends. I'd even go as far to say that they're in a 'bromance'.

"Ha, ha, of course. So, why did you call?"

"A very good question, Peeta. I was talking to Katniss about this yesterday, and I guess you might as well be told now too." Gale continues to retell Peeta precisely what he told me yesterday about Madge. I listen closely, paying attention to Peeta's reactions. Gale makes sure to add in not to tell anyone, including Annie, because this information is confidential. Once Gale is finally done, Peeta is silent for a bit.

"So, how does this relate to me? Don't get me wrong; this is a very important discovery no doubt. But what do you need from me?"

"Also a good question, my friend. I was talking to Katniss about going to the Capital to talk to Madge. It would make Madge happy, and we might find some information out about Prim. Madge might not have been the only one with a bracelet." Gale continues to explain what Madge said about Prim, and the scar under her chin. Peeta occasionally gasps, or mutters "no way". I continue to sit patiently. "Anyways, since we're going in about a week, I wanted to know if you wanted to come with us. Madge knows you, and it might help to unlock some of the blocks in her mind about what happened over the last few months. We could pick you up on the way to the Capitol from district four. What do you say?" Gale finishes. I look at him, jaw dropped. This wasn't part of the plan. I shake my head furiously at Gale telling him not to do this. Gale just smiles and mouths, "it's for your own good." I once again roll my eyes, and cross my arms over my chest in disgust.

"Sounds awesome, Gale. See you in a week. Oh, and tell Katniss when she wakes up that I miss her a lot." I smile, and Gale winks at me in an I-told-you-so manner. Peeta then continues, "Gale, do you think I should call her before bed or when I wake up and stuff? I was going to last night but…well I don't want to look desperate or anything. She means a lot to me. I don't want to mess this up. You know her really well; you guys are practically siblings. What do you think?" I look at Gale, eyes wide, pleading with him to say yes. He contemplates his response for a minute, twisting his mouth to the side.

"Yeah, she could probably use some phone calls. Last night was pretty bad for her. She was screaming, and kicking dangerously. I've never seen her more flummoxed."

"I wish I could have been there for her." Peeta mumbles sadly.

"Peeta, believe me, you've been there as much as possible. I have the whole thing absolutely under control."

"Oh, I'm sure." Peeta says sarcastically while laughing. "Anyways, I'd better be heading out. Another great day with bread! I'm telling you, Gale; bread can be very orgasmic. Anyway, thanks again for taking care of my girl. See you in a week. Oh! And tell Katniss to pack me some more clothes. I don't think I have enough underwear to last a trip to the Capitol."

"Don't worry, we'll pack you some. If that bread in district four is so orgasmic, you better bring me some on the train to the Capitol."

"But of course, Gale. Talk to you later." The line goes dead and I just stare at Gale in shock and distaste. Gale laughs at me, and says, "I know that look. It's your, 'boys will be boys look.'"

"I still can't believe you did that!" I say.

"Oh, please. Spare me this talk. I know you, Katniss Everdeen. You'll thank me later." Gale sasses back.

"So I suppose you wouldn't be aggravated if I invited Johanna, then?" I question. He shrugs.

"There wouldn't be much point. She didn't know Madge well enough." I open my mouth, awaiting a snappy comeback to appear in my thoughts. None come, and I sigh in surrender.

"I suppose you're right." I mumble under my breath. Gale just keeps smiling like a crazy person. I. Hate. When. He's. Right.

Yet, the thought of being 'Peeta's girl' overpowers my frustration with Gale, and even he can't wipe the smile off my face.


	12. Haunted By the Past

**Hi Lovelies,**

**I'm extremely sorry I haven't posted in forever. It was mostly a mixture of finals and writers block. But I'm here now with plenty more to write. This chapter is short and mainly focusing on Katniss, but I promise more of Peeta's POV in the future. Reviews make me update faster!  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games or any of it's property. It all belongs to Suzanne Collins.  
**

We make our way upstairs to the bedroom and begin rummaging around through drawers to find clothing for Peeta. It's mostly me doing all the work; Gale lies on the bed, lazily staring at the ceiling.

"Hey Catnip," He mutters suddenly. "Want to play truth?" I look over at him questionably. Truth? What the heck is that?

Gale reads my look instantly, and launches out on explaining the game. "We each ask a question to the other when it's our turn, and they have to answer honestly."

"Easy enough. You start." I reply. He smirks at me, and I almost instantly begin to question his motives. Maybe playing a game with Gale isn't such a great idea.

"Okay, let's start simple. Am I your best friend?" I roll my eyes at him.

"I think either way I answer that you'll hold it against me. So let's go with…undecided." Gale scrunches his forehead, but sighs and accepts my answer as legitimate.

"Your turn." He mumbles through gritted teeth. I laugh playfully and then ask, "Do you miss district 12?" I look at Gale, awaiting an answer, and see him lost in thought.

"Yes and no. I love this district, but there are also so many sad and tragic memories here. Don't get me wrong; I have plenty of amazing ones here too. But, sometimes it's just good to get away from it all and start over, you know?" I nod my head in agreement. Sometimes I wish I could leave and no longer have the memories of my father or Prim haunting me. Yet I know I never could leave; district 12 is my home.

"Have you and Peeta…you know, done it?" He asks motioning towards the bed. I take a second to consider my options. Truthfully, Peeta and I haven't even talked about it, much less done anything more than kissing. But Gale doesn't know that. I could easily lie to him. I reject that option almost immediately because I know Gale can see right through me. And, it wouldn't be right to lie to Gale.

"No." I say with a bit of uncertainty. I await Gale to protest, or rub in my face that he and Johanna have. It's possible they haven't had sex, but after my experience with Johanna in the capitol before the Quarter Quell, I doubt it. Gale continues and mumbles, "Really?" His voice holds a mixture of disbelief and respect.

"Really," I admit sheepishly. It's not that I'm embarrassed by it. I'm glad that we've waited. But Gale seems to view it in a different light. "We've never really talked about it. I guess we're just waiting for the right time."

"I commend you, Catnip. Not just any gal can resist that sexy man you've got." He flashes me a sarcastic smile before continuing. "So, do you have any idea what you're looking for in terms of which underwear to bring him?" He asks in a laughable manner. I shake my head no, and he moves to sit beside me. Gale starts talking, saying something about the difference between boxers and briefs, but I tune him out, my mind still wandering about Peeta. Has he ever considered doing more than kissing before? Knowing Peeta, the thought probably never crossed his mind. Yet, I've been wrong about him before.

* * *

Most of the week before our journey to the Capitol consists of Gale and I catching up. We wake up, eat, hunt, cook, talk, eat, go to town, cook, eat, do an activity, and then sleep. The cycle continues throughout the week, occasionally changing to fit our needs. Most nights Gale goes back to his room, yet ends up holding me after a nightmare. All of my nightmares are the same, and include me screaming out loud for Prim to help me before I fully awaken. Somehow, even after having the same nightmare continue to reoccur, it's just as frightening each time.

When the day arrives before our departure to the Capitol, we spend all day packing. I haven't been to the Capitol in a very long time, and I don't know much about what it's like now. Gale eventually finds his way to the bedroom and helps me pick out clothing. I pack a multitude of outfits, considering we don't know how long we'll be staying. Gale's already arranged for our hotel, and free meals as long as we need them. Out of courtesy, he gets Peeta and I separate rooms, but I know that we will most likely only be using one. He doesn't tell me where we're staying, only that he knows it will be familiar to me.

Eventually, we make our way to the train. It's just as I remembered it. Gale scheduled for us to be on the exact train that Peeta and I were on for both Hunger Games. I feel as though I'm having déjà vu except Peeta isn't here. I sigh as I take a seat on the bed in my compartment.

"Who would have thought that the next time I was on a train to the Capitol it would be without Peeta here beside me, and it would be my choice." I mumble to myself, with a hint of irony in my voice before welcoming the sleep teasing my eyes.

* * *

_I'm standing at the remains of district 12 after the bombing. The life that once used to thrive freely in the square is gone; replaced by ghosts. I wander around hoping to find something familiar. All that I see is rubble, yet I feel the need to continue moving. I reach the Victors Village, the one piece of district 12 spared of bombs. This is my fault; I know it is. Those stupid berries started this whole rebellion. Without the berries there would have been no uprising. I drift into my home, my only home still standing. Unintentionally I find myself in Prim's room. It's in pristine condition, but there is one thing missing. The girl who used to occupy this space is gone, leaving the room forever incomplete. _

"_She's gone because of me too." I whisper._

I jolt up with a start, tears streaming down my face. Swiftly, I pounce out of bed and into the bathroom. I need to get a grip on myself. The water that rushes down my body is freezing, yet it doesn't rid me of the fever my body feels. Even though I know it was all a dream, it holds truth. This rebellion is my fault. Prim is my fault. District 12 is my fault. Every innocent life that was taken is my fault.

Although the water is calming, I depart from it. I don't deserve such a luxury. Once dressed in my usual black hunting pants and cotton blue long sleeved shirt, I braid my hair and leave the bathroom. My thoughts continue to tickle at my mind, but I push them aside. Today Peeta is meeting us on the train; I should be ecstatic not depressed.

As I emerge from the bathroom, my eyes shift to a figure leaning against the door. I recognize him immediately. Blonde hair, twinkling blue eyes; it is none other than Peeta. My mind processes that it's him, yet I'm frozen.

"Took you long enough. I've been waiting here for nearly three minutes!" Peeta remarks sarcastically. His words bring me out of my stupor and I run over to him, stumbling slightly on my toes. I jump into his arms, taking in everything about him. I've missed his scent of dough, his strong arms around me, but mostly the look he gives me and nobody else. His secret way of saying 'I love you'. Peeta's arms wrap around me instantly, squeezing my body so tightly it becomes hard to breath. But I don't care; I've missed him too much to care.

"I missed you." He mumbles against my hair. I nod in agreement, and suddenly my mind wanders to Annie. Poor girl. Having to raise a child by herself and only having her true love for a short period of time. And why? Because of me. Finnick is gone because of me. Baby Finn will never know his father because of me. But my faults don't end there. Wiress, Seeder, Chaff all gone because of me and my stupid rebellion.

"Katniss, are you okay? You look pale. Really pale." Peeta observes. I touch my hand to my head and my knees begin to give. As I crumble to the ground I feel my eyes begin to tilt into in my head. Everything goes black as a pair of strong arms catches me. I hear a scream for help before everything goes blank.


	13. Re-catching Fire

**Hi lovelies (or should I say loafies...sorry bad bread joke),**

**This chapter is probably the longest I've written up to this point. A lot of things happen, some which may be unclear, but as we go along through the story everything should start to fall together. I focused more on Katniss in this chapter, but like I said Peeta's POV will be coming later; that is if you still want his POV. I'm unsure whether or not I want to do Peeta's POV anymore, so please tell me what you think. Reviews=Updates! Enjoy!  
**

I don't know how long I remain unconscious; only that the first time I wake I find myself in a clean white room. My arms and legs are tangled within the sheets of a cot, and a needle is attached to my arm. Surrounding me are machines that beep every so often. As my eyes scan the room, I realize I'm alone. Immediately, I seize the needle and pull it out of my arm. Who knows what it was doing to me. Instantly an alarm sound goes off, my eyes grow weary, and everything disappears back into the nothingness I left earlier.

_ I see Cato, lying underneath the Cornucopia being eaten alive by mutts. I hear his screams and shoot an arrow into his head. The cannon shot sounds louder than normal, but I ignore it. It's just another death that was my fault. Suddenly, the scene changes and I'm standing beside Rue. I know she's dead; I buried her. But the sight of someone that I missed so much overwhelms me. I rush at her and hug her, making sure to hold her close. I feel her body tense unexpectedly; each limb growing stiffer the longer I hold her. Eventually her whole body crumbles to the ground; nothing left but dust. Voices whisper around me, reminding me that the Mockingjay causes death. This is my fault._

My eyes fly open, and I find the needle is back within my arm. I attempt to lift my hands to rub the remains of sleep from my eyes, and discover my hands are being held down by restraints. I breathe a sigh of frustration, but don't struggle. Instead, I attempt to sit myself up. The movement is too strenuous for my body, and again I pass out.

_Prim walks towards me. She is pleading with me, but I can't seem to make up what she's saying. Only when she is face to face with me do I hear her cries._

_ "Katniss, you need Madge. She can help. She has the answer. Go to her. Madge is my only hope."_

_ "I'm trying Prim, I'm trying!" I scream helplessly back. The dream shifts and I walk along the beach, humming lightly under my breath. It's the same song I sang to Rue when she died. The water seems to pull me, beckon me into it. I waltz in and hear the sizzle as my body begins to melt away._

_ "What is this?" I shout, feeling the burn from the water._

_ "This is no place for a girl on fire." My own voice answers from the vast nothingness enveloping me._

I wake up, letting a shiver go through my body. I don't dare open my eyes because I hear voices murmuring around me. Quickly, I decide it would be best to feign sleep and eavesdrop.

"Shouldn't we wake her or something? It's been almost two days since she first fell unconscious!" A male voice I recognize to be Gale mutters.

"Let her sleep," A voice I believe to be Peeta's, gently replies. He slowly begins to strokes my hair in a soothing fashion.

"I'm sorry Mr. Hawthorne, but Mr. Mellark is correct. If Ms. Everdeen is to recover she'll need her rest. No need to worry though, she should be fully awake within the next day. According to our knowledge, Ms. Everdeen has been up twice already, yet her body is not fully healed. For now, I would request that we leave the room so she may heal in peace." A female voice I cannot identify whispers. I hear the sound of footsteps growing farther away, yet I still feel Peeta's hand on my hair.

"Mr. Mellark?" The female voice asks.

"I'll be there in a minute. Could I just have a moment with Ms. Everdeen by myself?" There is a long pause, and I feel Peeta's hand tense against my hair. Finally, the female voice sighs and replies, "I suppose. Make it quick Mr. Mellark." I hear the door close softly behind her as she exits the room. Peeta plants himself next to me on the bed. I feel his hand in my hair making small circles; his fingertips just grazing my scalp and untangling what is left of the braid I made before I fainted the first time. This doesn't surprise me; Peeta loves my hair down. I don't exactly know why, but I choose not to dwell on that subject considering the state I'm in.

"Katniss…Katniss…Katniss…" Peeta mumbles softly. I have to strain my ears to hear the rest of his words. "You're so strong, always so strong. You don't have to be a rock all the time. I like it when you take your walls down. It's like looking behind the curtain." He pauses, and I wait apprehensively for him to continue. The break in his speech remains for a long time. I assume him to be lost in thought, though I wish I knew what he was thinking. Finally, Peeta kisses the top of my head slowly, before whispering "You're going to be okay." He gets up and begins to walk towards the door. I squint my eyes to watch him as he goes.

"Good…night." I manage to breathe silently. Peeta stop abruptly. I'm sure he heard my silent goodnight, even if he did not hear the words. He shifts slightly, uncomfortably, before turning around to look at me. His mouth forms a half smile, as he looks me over. Eventually, Peeta continues to make his way to the door. I hear the hinges of the door as it opens.

"Goodnight, Katniss." Peeta whispers. The door shuts, and I sigh as I make my way back to a nightmare filled sleep.

* * *

The next day, I wake up and stay up. I survey my room, checking to see if anything's changed since yesterday. The needle remains in my arm, the walls are still white, but in place of Peeta is a female doctor I don't know.

"Good, you're up." She smiles at me with a row of white teeth. Her voice identifies herself as the woman in my room last night. She has very light hair with a tint of pink in it, purple eyes, and crimson lips. Her appearance gives me a slight impression that she may be from the capitol, which makes me question where I am. Clearly, I exited the train.

"Who-" I begin, but she holds up her hand to stop me.

"Ms. Everdeen-"

"Katniss." I correct.

"Katniss, I'm Dr. Victoria Dawson." She extends her hands in hopes of shaking mine, but I incline my head to show her I'm tied up. She smiles shakily, making the moment slightly more awkward.

"Where am I?" I inquire.

"In the Capitol Ms. Everde-I mean Katniss. You lost consciousness on the train. The doctors and I have diagnosed that you were in shock." I give her an unpleasant look, silently asking her why I would be in shock for seeing Peeta. "Not from Peeta," she continues somehow knowing my question, "but from the previous events in your life. Your sister, district 12, everything. You went into a state of shock and began to hyperventilate, causing you to faint. In simpler terms, you had a sort of Panic Attack." She flashes me another smile. Her voice has kept a steady pace, as though she were telling me about a new pair of shoes she plans to buy later today. "As to why you were out for so long, well that's a more complex thing." She says while chuckling. " We're not entirely sure why, but I assure you that you are perfectly fine now. In pristine condition I'd say."

"Does that mean I can leave?" I ask, forcing my lips into an attempt of a smile.

"Yes, although you may wish to shower first. You've been out for about two days now. Also, Mr. Hawthorne and Mr. Mellark informed me that from here you are proceeding to visit Ms. Undersee. When you finish your shower, please do eat the food that will be waiting for you. That is all." Dr. Dawson replies. She flashes me one last smile before continuing to exit the room. Once she leaves, the restraints on my hands slide back into the table. Momentarily, I stretch my hands before beginning my venture to the shower. I stumble into the bathroom, shower, and dress in a purple long sleeved shirt and my usual black hunting pants. My braid is slightly messy, yet it's the most I can manage after not being able to move my hands for almost two days. I follow Dr. Dawson's instructions and eat the food awaiting me. It's not particularly delicious, but it puts my grumbling stomach at ease. Afterwards, I sit on my cot, patiently waiting for my next instructions.

Eventually, Gale walks in with his usual strut. He crosses over the room to me, and perches himself against the wall across from me.

"Hey, Catnip. You feeling okay?" He inquires.

"Good as new," I reply. "Although getting out of this hospital would probably make things better."

"Sorry, but we can't leave quite yet. We still have a mission to execute, and that means we have to head down to the second floor to meet Madge." I let out a small, "humph" but stand up and follow Gale to the elevator.

The rooms on the second floor of the hospital resemble the room I'd been staying in for the past few days, except for one. Madge's room is painted brightly with different shades of colors. Replacing a hospital cot is a bed almost identical the to the one she had in her old room back in district 12. There are letters attached to the wall, and a periwinkle chair in the corner. Her room lets off an aura of happiness; something I haven't felt much in the past two days.

"Hi," Madge states from her spot on the bed. Her eyes are slightly puffy, but other than that she looks fine. Madge's blonde hair is not as long as it used to be, but still beautiful. It curls at the ends around her shoulders. Her innocent blue eyes have changed in such a way that you can see this is a girl who has struggled. Overall, she looks like a sad puppy that's okay now, but doesn't truly understand what's going on around her.

"Can you leave us alone?" I ask Gale. He nods, but then whispers in my ear that he'll be just outside the mirror watching and listening. Apparently, it's a one-way window. Go figure.

Once the door is closed, I saunter over to Madge and put an arm around her shoulder. She curls into me, and stifles a sob. I rub my thumb across her cheek, wiping away her tears, and make soft soothing noises to let her know it's okay.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't keep breaking down like this. You've never really been one for emotions." She sobs.

"That was a long time ago," I reply. "I've been through too much not to know the meaning of emotions." Madge lets out a short laugh.

"I've missed you Katniss. I don't even remember what's been happening to me, but I know the whole time I missed you. You were really the only person who was ever my friend, until Blake. I wish I remembered more, really I do."

"Madge, don't worry about what you don't remember, just tell me what you do remember."

"Okay. I was somewhere were the rooms were bright white. They resembled these hospital rooms, hence the reason I had my room painted and made into a room. I'm going to be staying here a while." She offers me a weak smile, which I return encouragingly. "Um…right, the rooms. And there were these needles, and blood, and…" Tears begin to flow down her face once more, which I wipe away quickly. "So much pain! I don't know what they did to me, but every time I begin to remember something I feel like I'm being shocked and it's excruciating!"

"Oh, Madge. I'm so sorry, this is all my fault." I reply. A look of confusions crosses her face.

"Your fault? Why?" She ask, genuinely concerned.

"Because I was the girl on fire, the Mockingjay, the face of the rebellion."

"Katniss, you can't mean that! This is absolutely none of your fault. The rebellion has been brewing since the day the Dark Days ended. You just happened to be the person who pushed it forward. I don't blame you at all. It's the Capitol-I mean the old one who's to blame."

"Thanks Madge." I reply meekly. She pushes my arm off her shoulder and instead puts her arm around me.

"Katniss, you've made my life better than I could ever have hoped. This whole rebellion, it isn't you fault. But all of the wonderful things that came from it; it's your doing. " Madge lets out a large yawn, and falls backwards onto her back.

"Tired?" I ask. She nods as I descend onto my back too.

"I don't get much sleep these days. Doctors keep coming to visit me, and my dreams are full of dreadful nightmares. Blake used to keep the nightmares away." She lets out a sigh before continuing. "Sometimes I wonder if he's okay. Does he remember me? Or am I just another part of his past? I haven't been allowed to see him since I was brought here."

"He remembers you, I'm sure of it." I reply confidently. "And you'll be able to see him soon. True love always finds a way." I add the last part mostly under my breath.

"I hope your right." Madge mumbles back.

"Tell you what," I begin. "You fall asleep, and I'll keep the nightmares away, okay?" Madge lifts her finger, as if to protest, but decides against it. She nods, and is asleep within minutes.

* * *

Gale comes in some time later, asking if I want to leave. I shoo him away and tell him to come and get me before dinner. He agrees and leaves Madge and me alone again.

A couple of times, Madge cringes or lets out a sob in her sleep. Each time I soothe her until she is pleasantly sleeping once more. The hours pass by quickly, mostly because the whole time I'm reminiscing my memories with Prim. I can feel myself so close to her, yet at the same time I don't even know where to go to find her.

Eventually, Gale comes back and I wake Madge up. She tells me how grateful she is that I was here, and I promise her I'll come back tomorrow. We leave the room, and Gale begins to speak immediately.

"You remember what she said about feeling a shock?" He asks with a gleam in his eyes. I nod my head, and he continues. "Well, I've been thinking about it all day, and I think it has to do with her memory loss. One of the ways the Capitol perfects or tortures others is with shocks. We think that they asked Madge to remember something, a story for example, about her time when she was missing. Then, someone shocked her painfully multiple times in order to make it so whenever she tried to remember it, she would remember the shock and the image would disappear before she could even recollect it." He finishes his hypothesis proudly, leaving me dumbfounded, staring at him.

"That's brilliant, Gale." I manage to say.

* * *

When we finally get to the place we're staying for the next few days, I'm shocked to see it's the place the tributes stay before the Hunger Games.

"Told you it would be familiar." Gale mumbles when we reach the twelfth floor. The first thing I see when I step out of the elevator is two avoxes: Darius and the girl with red hair from my previous games. I let out a small whimper, before running into my room and locking the door. _Two more people who are my fault_, I think to myself. But Madge's words arise in my mind. _No, they're not my fault, they're the Capitol's fault_, I decide.

Although I haven't seen Peeta since last night, I don't leave my room for dinner. Instead, I order a bowl of lamb stew and eat silently in my room with only my thoughts for company. Eventually, nighttime comes, and I make my way to my bed. It seems like forever since I've been here yet every event is still vivid in my mind. Being on the roof with Peeta, watching old Hunger Games, even practicing for the cameras. It all seems so indifferent compared to what has happened since.

I try to fall asleep multiple times, sometime even managing to drift, but the images of my past continue to haunt me. No matter what, I can't avoid the nightmares unless I avoid sleep; which I'm reluctant to do. I resolve that I need some fresh air, and climb my way up to the roof.

The roof is empty, which makes me a bit upset. I didn't expect Peeta to be here, but I could really use him right now. I plop myself down toward the edges, unafraid of falling because I know there is a force field that won't allow me to fall. The night is silent, which is surprising for the Capitol. It makes me wonder where Prim is at this very moment. Perhaps she's miserable; wishing she could go home. Or maybe she's happy because she finally gets to be independent. Unintentionally, I let my mind think the worst: she doesn't feel anything, because she's dead.

I'm too caught up in thought to hear footsteps behind me, but when someone sits beside me, I turn my head to see the figure is Peeta. My heart skips a beat momentarily.

"I thought I might find you up hear. I checked your room, but the bed and bathroom were empty. Couldn't sleep either, huh?" Peeta asks sympathetically. I nod.

"It's to be expected," Peeta continues. "You've had a hard couple of months, and it doesn't seem like they'll be getting much easier anytime soon."

"Yeah," I reply. "Every time I think I might have found another puzzle piece, the puzzle just gets bigger."

"We both knew it wasn't going to be easy. Pulling out those berries was never just a small gesture to the Capitol." I sigh, but nod to show my agreement to his words.

"You don't have to sugarcoat it, Peeta. I pulled out those berries. I'm the girl on fire, and I think my flame burned out a long time ago. None of this was ever your fault, only mine." I mumble, averting his eyes. Peeta's hands find my chin and tilt it upward, forcing my eyes to look into his.

"Katniss, none of this was ever your fault." He replies considerately. "If you think for one minute that I would change anything, you're wrong. You're the girl on fire, the hero. Don't confuse yourself with the Capitol." He wipes a tear from my face. I hadn't even realized I'd been silently crying.

"Come here." Peeta beckons, his arms open wide. I scoot to him, and lay my head against his chest. Peeta protectively wraps and arm around me, and gently lays us down on the roof. Above us the stars shine brightly, reminding me of past Hunger Games. Peeta turns on his side, flipping me so we are nose to nose. Slowly, his lips meet mine. It's not a passionate kiss, but a kiss full of emotion. I feel tears stream down my face, but I don't bother rubbing them away. Instead, I let them fall, focusing more than anything on Peeta's lips brushing against mine. His hands shift to my shoulders, and begin to trail down my arm sending shivers through my body. I move my hands to cup his face, but he pulls away cautiously, even though I see a wanting burning at the back of his eyes.

"So, what's this really all about?" He asks sincerely.

"I just keep wishing I could be more than just a piece in their game." I mutter. He smiles knowingly, remembering when he said that to me in this same spot before our first Hunger Games.

"You know how you do that, don't you?" Peeta replies, his eyes glistening, "You play their game, but you play by your own rules." I stare back at him just as fiercely; only one thought going through my mind: The girl on fire's flame isn't out yet.


	14. Our Little Secrets

**Dear Lovelies (or Loafies, cause of Peeta and all),**

**I'm dearly sorry for not posting in a while, but I think this chapter might make up for it. You've been rewarded for you patience, and hopefully you'll let me know if it was worth the wait or not by reviewing! As always, sorry for grammar or misspelled words, etc. Please review!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the Hunger Games, that belongs to Suzanne Collins.**

**And now, without further ado...chapter 14!**

_I swim through a body of water, unsure how I managed to appear here. Breathing is not an issue, instantly alerting me that something weird is going on. I keep swimming, pushing all thoughts out of my head. There are no fish here, only me. Eventually, I reach an exotic island. Standing upon its shores is none other than Mr. Finnick Odair._

"_Katniss, I'm so glad you could join me." He begins. I nod numbly. "As I was saying," He continues, "There's something you need to know. Prim sent me here." At the sound of my sister's name I jerk my head up to meet his gaze._

"_That's right, Primrose Everdeen. I'm with her now, away from the ones I love." His eyes glaze over as he looks off into the unknown._

"_Where?" I shout at Finnick hopelessly. He shakes his head sadly, and a new form of emptiness begins in my chest. I continue to shout at the sad face of Finnick, but he doesn't respond. At some point, he even begins to fade, and I'm left on the island alone._

I lurch up, panting, sweating, only to find that I'm alone in an unfamiliarly familiar room. It was a dream, nothing more. It wasn't real. I repeat this out loud to myself again and again, but the thought continues not to register. I slip out of bed, quietly even though it is solely I occupying this room. My breathing remains off tempo, and hot frustrated tears begin to fall down my face. Every time I get close to an answer, it scurries away from me leaving me empty. I'm a disappointment, a failure.

I need to get out of here. I need to leave.

Soundlessly, I sneak out of my room and drift into the elevator, slowly traveling downwards. The soft humming emitted from the elevator calms me, and by the time I've reached the lobby my breathing is practically back to normal. I exit the elevator, noting the streaks of purple and pink bursting from the sky. It's nearly dawn; no one should be up. Yet, as I continue my walk through the lobby I hear voices softly coming from around the corner. Swiftly, I hide in the shadows, just being able to faintly hear two familiar male voices.

"They can't know yet. We've only just recently discovered this information from Blake. He knows Finnick, and Prim, even though he's never seen a Games in his life. That's not just a coincidence, Haymitch! There are people somewhere who are like Madge and Blake. People who need our help!" The first voice hisses.

"Exactly, Gale! That's why _they_ need to know. Katniss is going crazy over her sister, and Peeta is following her lead. Every ounce of information we have, they should know." Haymitch responds while trying to control his temper.

"And they will find out, just not yet. We've searched the Capitol a thousand times, and still there's no sign of them. We recovered multiple DNA samples and intend on running a few tests, but until then you_ will_ remain silent about this. Are we clear?" Gale whispers back sternly. I see Haymitch's shadow nod, and they begin to make there way toward me. I push myself further into the shadows, and hold my breath while they pass. Gale turns his head in my direction, allowing our eyes to lock. He squints slightly, as though he sees me but can't quite detect who or what I am; if anything. Haymitch walks over and gives a light tap to Gale's head, knocking him out of his trance.

"What's wrong with you, boy?" Haymitch inquires earnestly.

"Nothing, I just thought…I thought I saw Katniss." Haymitch gives Gale a quizzical look before responding, "She's in her room sleeping I presume. That's what you told me before I arrived at least. We can go check on her if you'd like. Prove I'm right about all this Capitol stuff making you insane. Plus, I'd like to see those crazy kids." Haymitch's face erupts with a goofy grin, as Gale strides purposely to the elevator.

"And I might just prove you wrong, Mr. 'I'm so great and smart'." Gale replies with a smirk. They enter the elevator, and the door closes behind them. I bolt to the stairs, and begin to run up the twelve flights, taking two or three steps at a time. My legs ache, my eyes strain to stay open, but I persevere. As I reach the last flight of stairs, I stumble on the penultimate step. The crack of my right ankle alerts me, but I just keep going. As I crawl up the last step, I hear the barely audible ding of the elevator arriving. My eyes widen as I see Haymitch and Gale exit the doors and head towards my room. Without making a sound, I follow behind them, mimicking their every move, wincing at my ankle. When I reach the door to Peeta's room, my hand grips and turns the handle just as Gale and Haymitch reach my room. I slide inside, closing my eyes as I close the door softly. I reopen my eyes, and begin to scan the room. The bed is empty; the bathroom door open, and a blonde haired blue-eyed boy sits at an easel painting. Only he's no longer painting, but rather staring curiously into my eyes.

Peeta raises an eyebrow, questionably. I respond by moving a finger to my lips and whispering, "I've been here the whole time." He nods, and resumes painting. As if on cue, I hear Gale murmur, "See, I told you she wasn't here." My hunter's extinct kicks in immediately, and I pounce onto Peeta's bed. My body becomes entangled within his sheets, giving the impression I've been here the whole night. I close my eyes and slow my breathing down just as there's a knock on the door.

"Come in." Peeta answers, his voice slightly husky from the morning. I hear the door open and then close as footsteps tread into the room.

"She's sleeping, so I'd appreciate it if you kept your voices down." Peeta remarks. "Is there something you needed?"

"No, we were just…erm…looking for Katniss." Gale replies sheepishly.

"As you can see, she's righter over there. Anything else? A message you want me to give her when she wakes up, perhaps?" Peeta asks.

"No, I think we're done here." Haymitch grunts irritably. "It's good to see you again though, Peeta." The footsteps begin again, and moments later I hear the door of Peeta's room open and close. I remain still; waiting cautiously to be sure they're gone. Peeta puts down his paintbrush and walks over to the bed, plops down beside me, and begins to draw circles on the small of my back.

"They're gone, Katniss. It's just me." I let my whole body breath a sigh of relief, as I open my eyes. I remain where I am, allowing the warmth from Peeta's hands envelope me.

"You've been doing something you weren't supposed to be doing, real or not real?" Peeta asks sweetly. I smile to myself, and without hesitating reply, "Real." Peeta's hands reach for my abdomen and turn me over so I'm facing him. He shares my smile, and then continues his interrogation.

"What did you do this time?"

"I spied and eavesdropped on Haymitch and Gale. They were transmitting information on the current situation with the 'thought to be dead people' and the bracelets. Apparently, Blake knows who Prim and Finnick are. They might be alive, Peeta! _My Prim_; she might be with me again someday. And it might not be too far away either."

"Hold your horses, cowgirl. We aren't there yet. But, that's great news. Have they confirmed that Prim and Finnick are alive?"

"No, at least not according to Gale. I'm not really supposed to know anyways. Remember, I was eavesdropping."

"Speaking of which, why were you there in the first place? Who's up at this hour?"

"Apparently only crazy people." I reply, motioning to him and me. "And if you must know, I had a nightmare and I went downstairs to clear my head. I didn't mean to spy. Now what's your excuse? Why are you up so early?" I question while attempting to raise an eyebrow. Peeta's face suddenly turns a bit grim, turning my playfulness into worry.

"I, I uh…I had and episode about an hour and a half ago. It wasn't too bad, but it was dangerous. That's why I'm painting; to calm me down and make me feel less sick. It's not finished yet, but it's going to be you walking in the sunset." He smiles again, lifting the sadness that had been growing within me. It isn't fair that Peeta is stuck with such monstrosities. He deserves better.

"Speaking of my episodes," He continues, "I've been meaning to tell you something. I'm going back to district four, after tomorrow. While I was on my last visit for bread, I met with Dr. Aurelius. He thinks he may be able to help me with my episodes. After he left district thirteen, he moved to four to begin to work on some serums. I might be able to get better. I might be able to stop hurting people. I need this, Katniss, because I can't keep having these hallucinations. Tonight's was dreadful!" I see the fear in his eyes, and the sorrow returns.

"I'm sorry. I wish I had known…" I add glumly.

"It isn't your fault, Katniss."

"I know I just wish I could help you get through it. Be the one who you go to when you need someone."

"Well, if you're volunteering to help me, I could take you up on that offer right now." Before I can blink, Peeta's lips are pressed firmly against my own. His lips are sweet, tasting a bit like cinnamon. He moves his hand so it rests on my waist, and pulls me close. His lips brush against my own before sliding down to my jaw, and then my cheek, my forehead, my nose, and finally finding their way back to my lips. Slowly, his tongue slithers into my mouth, exploring what's inside. I move my own tongue into his mouth, sharing the passion of our kiss. He moves his hands from my waist, sliding them up my back, and hugging me closer. Although there's barely any space between us, I need to be closer. The hunger within me is rising; it's only request: Peeta. I begin by moving my hands to his shoulders, and pressing my own body into his. Peeta exhales sharply, but doesn't break our kiss. I smile against his lips, which he returns gladly before deepening the kiss. His warm hands on my back feel so good, especially after having such cold nightmares earlier. I move my own hands to cup his face, using my thumb to circle his cheeks. My right leg wraps around Peeta, and I hit my ankle against his knee. I wince at the pain from my forgotten ankle, and choke down a shout. Still, Peeta feels my flinch, and pulls back immediately.

"I'm sorry, that was probably too much. I shouldn't have, without making sure you wanted to als-" He beings before I cut him off by pushing my fingers to his lips.

"It was amazing, divine, heavenly, all of it." I grimace at my throbbing ankle, and let a tear fall from my eye before continuing, "It's my ankle. I tripped running up the stairs. It's nothing, really." Peeta looks questionably at me, before removing the covers to reveal my ankle. It's swollen to the size of a tracker jacker hive, and as red as a tomato. He frowns at it, and reaches out to touch it. I exhale sharply from the pain, and Peeta removes his hands instantly.

"You're strong, Katniss, that's for sure." He replies. "But you need help." He saunters into the bathroom and begins rummaging around the cabinets until he returns with a first aid kit and two washcloths. Inside the first washcloth is a bag of ice, which stings when it touches my ankle. The second is soaked with cold water, and Peeta uses it to dab my forehead. After every few dabs, he kisses my lips gently before continuing. The swelling goes down, but Peeta isn't fully convinced and insists that I keep it above the covers in order to watch it. I turn my attention to his painting, and marvel at its brilliance. The sunset is the perfect shade, and although my features haven't been painted completely, I can recognize its genius. He notices me staring, and quickly rolls onto me, showering me with kisses and being cautious of my ankle. I kiss him fiercely, intending not to be cock-blocked by my ankle this time. He brushes his lips against mine, and pulls back a minuscule amount. I look into his eyes, awaiting his next move. I can see the happiness and hunger in his eyes, and something else that I can't quite put my finger on.

"Katniss," He begins, "I love you."

That's what it was; it's love in his eyes. I open my mouth to respond, but am interrupted by the three rat-a-tat-tats on the door and the voice of the final member of our 'dream team' calling, "Up and at 'em. It's going to be a big, big day!" Effie Trinket has arrived.

Peeta starts to get up, but I pull him close to me leaving us nose to nose. I close my eyes, breath a sigh, before gaining enough courage to say it.

"I love you too, Peeta Mellark."


	15. Real Or Not Real?

**Hi my amazing readers!**

**It's me again. Sorry for not writing for so long, but I wanted this chapter to be absolutely perfect, or as close to perfect as could be. I was also debating whether or not to divide this chapter in half (I didn't in case you were wondering). I won't be able to write for a little bit, but I promise next chapter will be up ASAP. This is your 'other reward' for being so patient, for hopefully being patient with me in the future, and because I've reached 50 REVIEWS! Now that's what I call awesome. Sorry for typos, grammar, etc. And, I hope you enjoy this super long chapter, and please REVIEW and tell me what you think! The more reviews, the faster the updates comes!  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Hunger Games material. That belongs to Suzanne Collins.**

And just like that, we had said it. I love you. Three simple words that would change my life forever, and I had just said them. I felt oddly lightened, as though a burden was lifted off my shoulders. At the same time, I felt a wave of nausea mixed with worry pass over me. What happens next?

In the stories I'd always heard my parents tell me when I was younger, the princess and prince fell in love, then got married. Even in the rhymes I'd heard girls sing at school in the courtyard, marriage was next. How did the rhymes go? First comes love, then comes marriage…did that mean that now Peeta and I were to marry?

I suppose it doesn't have to be that way. We, as humans, are given the gift of writing our own endings. I get to choose what happens next. I'd always said I'd never get married and have children, but I've also always said I would never fall in love. Who would have fallen in love with me? No one that I could imagine until Peeta came along. Even Gale didn't seem like an option. But now that I've found love, should I reconsider my choice?

My first instinct is yes. I've been thrown into a new situation, so why not reconsider. And, I certainly wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with Peeta. So what's holding me back? Why can't I admit that I want marriage, want children, and want Peeta? The answers continue to evade me, just like the answer to the whereabouts of my sister.

I hear the soft hum of the shower clattering against the glass panels in the bathroom. Peeta's singing, as usual, and his voice draws me out of my thoughts. I listen to him intently. I recognize the melody, but the words are too soft to hear. Suddenly it clicks; he's singing the Hanging Tree, the song my father used to sing to me when I was younger. Did I teach him that song? Or has he always known it? I strain my ears to listen more attentively to his melodious voice. And then it hits me, I realize that I do want Peeta; and I need to tell him. I will tell him, somehow. I can't be the weak girl from district twelve who couldn't speak to boys for the life of her, Gale being the exception. I was the Mockingjay, an emblem of revolution. I can do this.

"I am like a tree. I can bend with the wind, no matter which direction it blows. I can be pushed to the edge, but I will not snap. I will not break."

I repeat this to myself a couple of times while waiting for Peeta to emerge from the bathroom. If I'm going to tell him ALL my feelings, I'm certainly in need of a pep talk. I wait a while, and he still doesn't appear. I sigh, and hop my way over to his closet, while still remaining cautious of my ankle. I hear the bathroom door open, and try to crawl my way over to Peeta. The work is strenuous, and before I spot him, I hear him mumble, "It must have all been a dream." I pop my head around the side of his closet and ask, "What was all just a dream?" Peeta jolts in surprise, lets out a yelp, and drops the towel that had been tied around his waist. I turn my head immediately, sparing myself from viewing what is none of my business. I hear Peeta pick up his towel, and retie it around his waist. He must walk over to his closet because moments later he's hovering above me, watching me as I try not to hyperventilate. Call me a prude all you want, but I am not ready to see that.

"Sorry, Katniss," Peeta mumbles shyly while extending his hands to carry me. "I thought you being here was all a dream. It just seems so…surreal." The glow in his eyes has returned, instantly sending a warm feeling throughout my body.

"I love you!" I splutter before I can stop myself. Quickly, I throw my hand over my mouth to guarantee no more outbursts. I feel my face begin to burn, and know I must be redder than a tomato. I mentally curse myself for having no self-control. Peeta smiles broadly at me as he lifts me into his arms.

"I know," He replies back suggestively. I nuzzle my head against his bare shoulder to avoid having to look him in the eyes. I'm not embarrassed to love Peeta; I'm just mortified by my outburst.

Peeta helps me into the bathroom, so I can change while he stays in his room changing. He knocks before entering to pick me up again, and then we continue on to the dining room in the district 12 penthouse.

When we enter the dining room, I'm surprised to see four faces looking back at me. Gale I knew would be here, Haymitch I knew too, and even Effie wasn't that surprising, but as my eyes scan the last person's face, I let out a little gasp. I recognize her silky brown hair, now grown a little below her shoulders, and the smirk that rests upon her face. I can hardly remember a time when this woman isn't smirking.

"Johanna," I breathe.

"Nice to see you too, Mockingjay." Johanna replies. I stare at her in disbelief, and then turn my eyes to Gale.

"Surprise," Is all Gale manages to mumble. His face is turned downward, his face beginning to turn red. It's one of the only times I've ever seen Gale Hawthorne embarrassed. The silence that follows is very uncomfortable.

"Well isn't this just lovely, all of us together again!" Effie pipes in to break the awkward silence that has begun.

"I really did miss you, kids. Especially you, sweetheart." Haymitch continues, winking at me.

"So," Peeta begins, "What's the plan for today?" Gale's face goes back to its usual calmness; he's about to talk about something he knows.

"Well," Gale announces while Peeta sits me down before sitting down too, "We have a lot to talk about. First things first, we're filming a propo after a morning with Madge. It's going to be Katniss and Jo. We'll discuss details when we get there. With Madge, we're going to try and extract anymore information we can…"

"What about Peeta?" I interrupt before I can control myself.

"That was my next order of business. His appointment with Dr. Aurelius has been re-scheduled to today. You leave in ten minutes to travel to district four, Peeta. You're going to be there indefinitely, Dr. Aurelius said. Don't worry about packing, we've already sent Annie your suitcase. You'll be shooting the propo from district four." Gale remarks.

"But that's not fair!" I blurt out. Everyone stops what they've been doing to stare at me in disbelief. Effie clutches her knife mid-spread, Haymitch holds his glass in the air almost touching his lips, and Johanna stops in the middle of reaching for a bread roll. Even Gale and Peeta have stopped their private conversation to stare at me. "I mean, shouldn't he…um…be shooting a propo with me…since we're star-crossed…um…" I try to continue but can't.

"It's okay, Katniss. I'll be back soon." Peeta replies soothingly, while stroking my cheek reassuringly. I glare at Gale, but he just shrugs. Johanna bursts out laughing and I turn my gaze to glare at her.

"What's so funny?" I ask sternly.

"You!" Johanna replies. "You, you're so…. oh I just missed you a lot, that's all." I try to scowl at her, but my lips pull into a small smile instead.

"How long are you staying?" I inquire sincerely, trying to divert my attention from Peeta's upcoming departure.

"I leave tonight, after dinner to go back to district four."

"I wish you would stay longer."

"Yeah, me too." Johanna admits looking over to Gale. I pity her a bit, knowing that it's always hard to say goodbye to someone. And then my mind wanders back to the inevitable, Peeta's leaving any minute, indefinitely. I glance over to Peeta, and he gives me a sad smile that whispers to me, "sorry". Haymitch gestures to Peeta that it's time to go. Peeta walks over to me, plants a soft and quick kiss on my head, and I breathe a sigh of desperation as he walks out the door. Already, I can tell it's going to be a long day.

We meet Madge not long after breakfast. Gale gave me crutches, without questioning how I managed to injure myself. I don't know whether he knows the truth or not, but I'm grateful for this act of kindness. Today I can't seem to explain myself.

My day with Madge is slow. She remembers a bit more about the place she was in, but other than that we just discuss the past.

"It smelled like roses mixed with blood." She recalled when we were alone. "And every now and then I thought I would see white roses with blood dribbling off of them laying on the floor. The hallways were long, and every time I walked down them, it felt like I was in a nightmare."

After that, I'd left, not being able to talk anymore about her whereabouts the last few months. I've had too many nightmares about just what she described, and I certainly don't need anymore, especially if Peeta won't be there tonight to comfort me. Of course, Prim matters to me, but right now my only thoughts involve Peeta. I feel bad for not thinking of Prim, but reassure myself that if she could tell me how she felt, she would say that Peeta is more important at the moment. I can't help but wonder what's being done to him right this second. Does he miss me the way I do? Does he wish he didn't have to leave, or is he okay with it because he knows I love him?

When it's time to do the propo, my mood has sunk even more. I keep my expression blank as my hair and make-up is done, and absentmindedly thank the stylist for their work. I'm not wearing my typical Mockingjay costume, but rather a glamorous dress meant for celebrities. Johanna wears a similar costume. Without being asked, she takes my hand during the propo. I give her hand a squeeze, and mutter a quick "thank you" under my breath. She may not realize the depth in her one simple action, but to me it means the world to have a friend stand by me right now.

It doesn't take long to shoot the propo, and having Johanna makes the time go by even faster. We stay in costume for dinner, which makes it only harder to eat. After a few minutes of pushing my food from one side of my plate to another, Johanna stands up, mumbles a polite "excuse us, please" and grabs my arm, dragging me to my room. Once inside, I open my mouth to object, but she clamps it shut with her hand and holds up a finger to indicate she's speaking first.

"Okay, Katniss. What the hell?"

"Excuse me?"

"I said, what the hell? I know you hate the Capitol, I hate it too, but you've been moping around more than normal. You look miserable, like you've lost your spark. So, I want to know why." Johanna crosses her arms over her chest, and blocks the door with her body. Any attempt at escaping is instantly deflated, and I let out a defeating sigh.

"It's nothing." I reply meekly. Johanna raises an eyebrow at me, and I can tell she doesn't believe me.

"Fine, it's about Peeta. There, I said it! I MISS PEETA! I NEED PEETA! I WANT PEETA! Is that so hard to believe?" I feel the hot tears streaming down my face, and put my head in my hands. Johanna rushes over to me, and puts a calming arm around me. The gesture is kind, a side of Johanna I'd not seen much before. She soothes me until my racking sobs stop.

"Oh, honey. I know it's hard, it's always hard." Johanna pacifies.

"Why are you being so nice to me? I know you're not a mean person, but…"

"My family." Johanna replies. I look at her, dumbfounded, waiting for her to continue. "During my first games, I had to say goodbye to them. I had to be strong, much like you had to be for Prim. When there's someone out there who is too young to understand what's going on, you have to assure them it's going to be okay even when you know it won't be. The odds aren't normally in your favor." She pauses for a second, obviously reminiscing someone. "I haven't always been bitter, you know. It mostly came when I refused to be a prostitute for Snow, and he killed…" She doesn't finish her sentence, but her words are clear. When Snow killed her family.

"Thank you, for being here." I murmur. She strokes my shoulder slowly, continuing to comfort me. It's surprising to see Johanna be compassionate, but at the same time I feel like I've always known this part of her existed. She may seem angry at the world most of the time, but deep down her and me aren't so different.

"So, this is about Peeta, eh?" Johanna suggests.

"Yes," I reply.

"You really like him a lot, huh?"

"Johanna, I don't just like him, I love him. I told him that last night. It was my first time saying that to anyone, and meaning it the way I did. Sure, I love Gale, but this…was different. And when I said it, everything just fell into place. Us, him, me, it was as though the star were finally aligned for the star-crossed lovers. It's stupid, I know but…"

"No, I get it. It's a different type of love, a new one that burns from deep within." Johanna explains. "Katniss, do you want to…" Again she doesn't finish her sentence, but this time it's because she doesn't want to punch me in a sore spot.

"Yes, I think I do. I want to be with Peeta," I begin, "I want to be with Peeta from now until the end. I want to marry him." I whisper the last part, but I know Johanna heard. She nods, no judgment in her face.

"I'll be right back." She announces. Johanna leaves the room, only to return just as quickly holding something behind her back.

"You said you want to marry him," Johanna recalls, "That you need him, want no one but him." I nod and she continues. "Peeta left for district four today, and I'm supposed to leave in a few minutes. If you hurry you can still make it there before sunset." She pulls a rectangle piece of paper from behind her back and hands it to me. I stare down at the gift. Her train ticket for district four.

"Johanna, I can't, you need the ticket, and I haven't even packed or anything and…"

"Katniss! Shut up for one second." I shut my mouth and let her continue. "Look, I'm no love guru or expert, but I know that when you have something the way you and Peeta do, you don't just throw it away. He's in district four for who knows how long, and you're here for just as long. Don't be stupid. Go after him. Go get him. Besides, I wouldn't mind having Gale to myself for a little bit longer." She winks at me, before continuing." It doesn't matter whether you have packed clothes, or he knows. This is your one chance, and you need to take it. Go." I stare up at Johanna, astonished. I stand up abruptly and hug her tighter than I thought was possible.

"Thank you." I whisper into her ear.

"You deserve it." She mumbles back.

The train ride to district four takes less than an hour. Surprisingly, Johanna's ticket was meant for the express of express trains. I'd never been on a train that traveled so fast, not even during the Hunger Games. It was thrilling and disturbing at the same time.

I spent most of the trip in my compartment. It was smaller than the compartment I've been used to, but it made me feel safer. The small space was comforting, and left little room for negative emotions; key word here being 'little'. Once I settled myself down on the bed, the doubt started to sink in.

At first, I tried to push it away by looking out the window. However, due to the speed of the train, everything was blurry and just made me dizzier. Deep down inside, I knew that doubt was pointless. I just needed to put on my big girl pants, and do this one thing. It shouldn't be hard, and at this point there was no turning back. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy right? Wrong.

This was one of the craziest things I've ever done, and it wasn't something you could just push out of your head. I was traveling on a train going faster than a speeding bullet, to see the boy I'm hopelessly in love with, and ask him to marry me. There are a lot of things that could go wrong. For example, we'd said, "I love you" about seven hours ago. Although the unspoken statement had been true for quite awhile now, it still seemed crazy to go and get married after such a short time. And another thing, I'm seventeen and have my whole life ahead of me. Do I really need marriage so quickly? Why the rush? Is this idea completely mental?

And I realize that yes, in fact, it is. This whole shenanigan is insane, and I must be out of my mind for doing it. The only problem is that by the time I come to this conclusion, I'm stepping off the train in district four, the point of no return.

I take a cab to Annie's house, hoping to find Peeta. I'm relieved and saddened when Annie opens the door though.

"Katniss, I wasn't expecting you too!" Annie squeals. Baby Finn lets out a little giggle from his position on Annie's hip. He's grown so much since I last saw him. His eyes are as blue as the sea, and the thin layer of blonde forming on his head is beginning to curl on the edges. Just like Finnick.

"Yeah, it was sort of…last minute." I reply meekly.

"I can see that," Annie admits pointing to my outfit. Shoot, I'd forgotten to change out of my ball gown.

"What brings you here?" Annie inquires.

"I…um…was….is Peeta here?"

"I'm sorry, no. He's still shooting the propo. His appointment with Dr. Aurelius went late. He'll be back soon."

"Oh, okay. I think I'll just…um…take a walk on the beach; and then maybe go home, or the Capitol, or something." I decide. If Peeta's not here, there's no point staying. Even if he's going to be back soon, this is my chance to escape, my chance to rethink my nutty idea.

"Katniss! You can't go! Not after traveling all this way!" Annie exclaims.

"I'm sorry Annie, I just…I think I made a mistake coming here." I give Annie a weak smile before turning on my heels and hobbling away. I hear Annie shouting something after me, but I don't look back. I can't look back.

Eventually, after I deem myself a safe distance away from the Odair's house, I unbuckle my shoes and carry them. My ankle is killing me, but I push the pain away. It isn't too hard considering the pain in my heart is worse.

I follow the road until it meets the beach, and then continue walking along the water. It's soothing to hear the swoosh and swish of the water. It almost makes me forget my troubles, almost.

Absentmindedly, I sit down a good distance away from the water, and just stare into the vastness ahead of me, and practice an exercise Dr. Aurelius once taught me.

_I am Katniss Everdeen. I was in the 74__th__ Hunger Games, and the 75__th__. I won the first game, and escaped the second. I am the Mockingjay. Peeta loves me, and I love him. I came to district four to find him and ask him to marry me. I ran away, because I'm a coward. And now, I don't know what to do._

I sigh in defeat, and put my head on my hands, which are resting on my knees. Maybe this whole fail at proposing is a good thing. I'm clearly not ready for marriage. At least the sunset is pretty. It reminds me of the night of the Quarter Quell, the night before we escaped. Peeta gave me my special pearl that day. It was one of the first times I'd truly realized that I'd loved him, and wanted to be with him for more than just the camera's sake. The nostalgia makes me happy, and for the first time since this morning, I smile for real.

"I thought I might find you out here." A familiar voice breathes. I freeze where I am, my whole body gone numb.

"Annie said you'd ran away, but I knew where you'd be. You've always been fond of the sunset, and where better to see it than here, across the ocean." The voice continues. I still don't turn my head.

"I don't want to talk." I whisper quietly. I know he will persist, but it's worth a try.

"I'm not giving you the option, Katniss."

"Stop it, Peeta," I plead meekly, "I shouldn't have come in the first place. Give it a rest, and let me be."

"So that's it? Katniss Everdeen, the Girl on Fire, the Mockingjay, is giving up? Now that doesn't sound right to me." I let out a sigh, but try not to give him the satisfaction. He knows he's hit a sensitive spot.

"If you ask me, Katniss Everdeen would be right here, standing face to face with me, arguing for the sake of arguing, that whatever the reason for her visit, it was a mistake." I try to suppress a giggle, but it slips out. I hear Peeta let out a triumphant "hmph" and immediately contain my laughter.

"She would quarrel with me, until I finally admitted that she was right, even if I didn't believe it. Now that sounds more like us, doesn't it?" Peeta doesn't wait for me to respond before he continues.

"I assume it has to do with your day. I can assure you mine was just as dreadful. Dr. Aurelius, geez that guy is demanding. I went through nearly ten medically induced episodes, and then had to film a propo! What a day, what a day!" I turn to look at him, sorry that he had to go through all those episodes. Quickly, I let my eyes glance across him, and my heart flutters a bit. He's in a dashing black tuxedo and black bowtie. His hair is disheveled, but in a sexy way. I bit my cheek to stop myself from saying anything.

"Dr. Aurelius and I, well we played 'Real or not Real' all day. But there was one question he couldn't answer, and I can't help but wonder if you can. You are Katniss Everdeen, the Girl on Fire, and the Mockingjay, after all." There's a suggestive glisten to his eyes, as his hands comes around from behind his back. I hadn't even realized he'd been hiding something. Once it's in view, I recognize it immediately. It's a parachute from the Hunger Games.

Peeta saunters over to me casually, and reaches for my hand. I let him take it, and pull me up slowly and carefully, my eyes never leaving his.

"You see, we were confused on why we hadn't heard from you since this morning. Surely you were in as much pain as I was today. I despise being away from you, because I love you with all my heart. And that's something that isn't going to change, Katniss. In fact, I don't want it to change, ever!" I nod, unintentionally.

"I love you too…" I muster before Peeta puts his finger to my mouth asking for silence. My eyes meet his, and I feel like I'm going to explode. I want him; need him. All the previous uncertainties and suspicions disappear. The lies I'd been telling myself earlier vanish, as love goes shooting through my veins. The idea of marriage is still an undecided thought, but I push it aside. I'll deal with it later. Right now I feel like the world has stopped to allow for this moment, for Peeta and I to share this moment alone.

"So Dr. Aurelius answered all my questions about you. It was a piece of cake for him. He told me you hadn't called simply because it was too hard. That made sense, and I let the subject drop. But I still have one more question, that I think even he won't be able to answer." Peeta bends down to one knee, our eyes remaining locked. He opens the parachute slowly, revealing a pearl, identical and proportional to the pearl from the Quarter Quell, sitting upon a ring. Terror grips me inside, and my only thought is _Oh no, oh no, oh no, no, no_. Am I ready for this?

"Katniss Everdeen, you'll marry me, real or not real?"


	16. Moments

**Hello Lovelies!**

**I would like to express my deep gratitude to all of you for continuing to read my story. As I've mentioned before, this is my first fanfic and I didn't really know how it would turn out. I'm so thankful that you've all been so supportive with reviews, ideas, advices, and just reading the story in general. Not to mention the patience you've all shown me while waiting for new chapters. It means the world to me. I hope you like this chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Hunger Games material (which includes characters, plot lines, etc). It all belongs to the lovely Suzanne Collins.**

The funny thing about love is the way it is constantly changing. One day you're up on cloud nine, dancing away, and then the next you're plummeting your way back down to earth. Love is a roller coaster with its fill of loop de loops, continuously moving in different and new directions.

The thing about roller coasters is they're best if you don't ride alone. As long as you have your best buddy next to you, gripping your hand fiercely, you know everything will be okay. Ironically enough, love is the same way. Love is a journey you take with someone else that's sure to have its ups and downs, but in the end is always worth it. Even though love is also a struggle, the rewards are endless and completely priceless.

Love is a jump, a risk you have to take. Because even though you might fall and be broken beyond repair, you might also discover that special someone who completes you. The only way to ever find out is to jump. And that's what I did; I jumped.

"Yes," I breathe. The words are on my lips before I fully register the question. "Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! Real! Very, very, real! I will absolutely, positively, definitely, unquestionably, and without a doubt marry you, Peeta Mellark!" The shadow of worry that had begun to pass over Peeta's face disappears completely as a glow of utter love and happiness replaces it. Delicately, he removes the ring from the parachute and places it on my ring finger. I gawk at it momentarily, stunned by what has just passed between us in the last few minutes. I, Katniss Everdeen, am engaged to the only man I could ever possibly have seen myself with. The man who protected and cared for me throughout two Hunger Games, the man who gave up his sanity for me, and the man who worked so hard to seize it back for me too. No one else has ever shown me so much kindness or cared the way he has. No one else has ever loved me the way Peeta has. No one else has ever been Peeta.

Those three statements are what made up my mind. Johanna was right; we do have something special, something some people wait forever to find. And, yes, maybe it was early on and we could have waited longer, but if I turned down an offer like this, I would have always wondered 'what if', and undoubtedly have regretted it for my whole life. I've had so many regrets already; I couldn't take this one too. And, in the end, Peeta is the one I love; in fact, he's my true love. I've found in him everything I want, everything I need, and there is no way I am letting him escape me again, ever.

"I was hoping you'd say that." Peeta teases with a goofy grin. I smile brilliantly back up at him, looking straight into the blue abyss of his eyes.

And suddenly, his warm lips are on mine, and it feels like my whole world is shattering. I feel chills running down my spine, but I can't pinpoint whether it's from the wind or the passion coursing through my body. Unintentionally, my body curves upward towards Peeta, and Peeta captures me in a tighter embrace. I feel him exploring my mouth with his tongue, and respond to his passion with a small nip to his lips. I feel Peeta's breathing stagger, and then continues back on it's fast pace tempo. My breathing, I can tell, is also fast paced, but I don't care. Just like before, it feels like the whole world has stopped. And to be frank, I'm completely fine with that. The world could stop forever, in this moment, and I wouldn't mind. I could live in this one section of time, forever on pause. Nothing else seems to matter except for Peeta.

When the last light of the sunset begins to dim, we break apart. We're breathing like we've just ran a marathon, and I can't help but break out into a fit of laughter. Peeta stares at me questionably, but his grin betrays him. He starts hooting with laughter too, and together we sprawl onto the sand. I turn into him, and he cradles me against his chest protectively, unwilling to let me go.

"I must be the happiest, luckiest man alive." Peeta comments.

"I'm the one who won the real gem." I reply provocatively. He gives a small squeeze to my shoulder, and lets out a sigh of relief. I hadn't realized the tension in his shoulder or the tightness in his jaw before I responded. Giddiness pulses through me at the thought of making Peeta nervous.

Peeta stands up abruptly, lifting me off my feet with him.

"It's getting late. Time to go home." Peeta whispers. "Erm, or rather, Annie's house."

When we reach Annie's place, Peeta opens the door slowly to avoid waking Annie. Sure enough though, Annie's balled up on the couch holding a picture frame. Finnick's face fills the frame, which makes my heart ache for her. Even with all the happiness pulsing through me, it's hard not to feel for her. Her love had so much potential, and it was stolen from her. In order to keep my merriment untainted, I make a mental note to fix this, for her sake. She deserves the same happiness I have now. I will do just as much to get Finnick, if he's alive, as I will for Prim.

The house is completely silent except the baby monitor beside Annie, which echoes the white noise from Finn's room. Peeta carries me to his room, where my suitcase sits neatly beside his own. Annie must have put it there while I was out and about. Slowly, he lowers me onto the bed. For once, I'm secretly happy that my ankle restrains myself from certain activities, such as standing. I would never have had the courage to lay right down onto Peeta's bed, even though we are engaged. More importantly, I would never be able to stand after all the events that have just transpired. My mind is dizzy just thinking of Peeta.

Peeta dashes through his evening activities; while I try as best I can to not stare at him. When he returns his attention to me, a feeling of uneasiness passes over me. Here I am, helpless and vulnerable to Peeta in two completely different ways, wearing an evening gown, while he towers over me looking as attractive as ever in his blue and white striped boxers and thin white V-neck. But, leave it to Peeta to calm my nerves and push my worries away. Just as a gentleman should, he rummages through his drawers for an extra t-shirt of his, which will of course be oversized on me. Peeta offers to leave while I change, and I gratefully accept; although I get the feeling that very soon such suggestions will be unnecessary.

Once my propo-gown is lying on the floor, Peeta's cozy "life's better with bread" shirt is lodged on my body, and I'm tucked tightly beneath the covers, I call him back into the room as seductively as I can—which isn't very seductive at all. Still, Peeta returns with a dazzling smile that could make any girl fall head over heels for him. It's that same smile that seems to always knock the air out of my lungs, and make my need for him stronger. He saunters through the room with such grace; lithe dancers would be ashamed of their title. As he crosses the room, he switches off the lights, leaving us in only the lamplight and moonlight. The room which once looked so big suddenly feels very small, as though the walls were contracting in. My nerves begin to tingle with a mixture of dread and excitement. I try to hide the smile pushing against my lips, but fail miserably as Peeta lies down next to. Unwillingly, I'm very aware of the fact that both of our underpants are visible to the other, even though the covers conceal us, and that the dazzling grin on Peeta's face has turned slightly more devilish.

"Hey, you," Peeta whispers flirtatiously once his body is consumed by the covers.

"Hi," I manage to mumble back. I can feel the hunger already beginning to build, and my breath becoming staggered. His body is so close to mine, his breath right above my neck. I bite my lip nervously.

"You should probably know that what we did at the beach, well that was nothing compared to this…" Peeta winks quickly before his hot lips are pressed firmly against my own. I can feel him not even waiting for my response before his tongue is exploring the depths of my own mouth, and his hands fumbling through my hair. It's as if my whole body is beginning to unravel, one strand at a time. Like the web that holds me together is suddenly deteriorating. The air around me is suddenly very hard to grasp, and the temperature in this room just went up a good 50 degrees.

Yep, Peeta certainly wasn't kidding when he said earlier was nothing compared to this.

I move my own hands to cup his face while he moves his lips down my neck leaving a trail of hot kisses. I shiver at his touch, and suddenly can't decide how to feel. I'm hot and I'm cold both at the same time, and feel very unstable in his arms. He's holding me tightly, and I can feel the heat emanating from his body. His kisses move further down my body to my shoulder, and I think I'm going to lose it. Peeta seems to always have this effect on me. Somehow, he can make me feel whole, yet very much like I'm falling apart. I'm falling and falling and falling, but he's here and he's going to catch me.

Peeta pulls away for a moment, and I use this time to catch my breath and collect myself. The space between us is torturous, but at the same time it still undoes me. I can still feel the sensations he leaves behind after our kisses lingering in my body, and yet I can't resist arcing my body towards him. I want him. I need him. I love him.

And I know it's not just the hunger taking over anymore. This is me. This is what I want. And Peeta is quick to deliver. His lips return to mine swiftly, and just as powerfully. We continue to kiss as his arms move down to my waist. His arms pull my body closer to his, and I can feel the heat issuing off him. And suddenly I'm tugging at the hem of his shirt, needing to destroy the space between us. I want his skin on my skin without any barriers.

Peeta removes his hands from my waist momentarily as his flimsy white V-neck is drawn over his head and lands on the floor. Right away my hands are clawing at his bare skin, touching him in places I'd never touched before. My mind is frantic, needing to memorize his chest with my fingers, and eventually with my lips. I want to know every crease, muscle, and indent on Peeta's body, and I just can't seem to get enough of him. Peeta exhales too quickly, and I'm inhaling too quickly, and I realize we're both gasping for air when I feel a tug on the edge of my shirt. I pull away fleetingly and look into his questioning eyes: _Do you want this? Can I go farther? Are we going to go farther?_

I stare into his blue eyes, unsure of what to say. I want to say yes, but at the same time no. We're engaged, there's nothing to be afraid of, but yet there's everything to be afraid of even now. I'm still the girl who's unconfident of herself, and immature when it comes to this business. However, at the same time, I love Peeta with all my heart, I do want this. I glance up to Peeta's hair, that blonde disheveled mess from a long day. My eyes gaze over his body, before re-meeting his eyes again. The question remains, but his eyes are also kind. He seems to understand my answer, as though he's gazing into the depth of my mind: _Not yet, I want it to be special. When it's definite. When we're married._

Peeta nods, and leans down to plant a soft kiss to my nose. He reaches for my hand, and bring it to rest upon the left side of his chests.

"Listen," He murmurs. I hear the thump of his heart, fast paced from our embrace. "I love you no matter what. Whatever you say isn't going to change that, I promise. You can always be honest with me about anything, especially how far. Okay?" Peeta inquires softly.

"Okay," I reply while removing my hands only to grab his hand and move them to the left side of my chest, covering part of the left side of my breast. I hear Peeta gasp, but his eyes stay locked with mine. "And I love you no matter what too. The pounding of my heart is my love for you. Okay?"

"Okay." Peeta smiles at me broadly. "And this heart of mine, it will always be beating for you, no matter how long you want to wait. It won't stop beating for you. I promise." He slowly rolls off of me and fits his chest into my back like spoons and moving his hands so they wrap firmly around my waist.

"I still can't believe you said yes." Peeta whispers into my ears.

"I can't imagine saying anything else." I retaliate.

"Well, I'm glad you said it. Weird how everything has changed in a moment."

"It seems to be common with us." I mutter back. In truth, everything with us happens in moments. In that one moment when he chose to throw me bread, our journey together began. When Effie reaped our names for the Hunger Games, our separate paths became intertwined together, once again. Even when we were in our second Hunger Games, the split second choice to stray away from me on the night of our escape changed our paths. All these little moments put together, leading up to this one huge moment. The moment most girls wait for all of their lives. The moment I thought I'd never be part of. And yet, I achieved it. Against all odds, Peeta and I ended up together. And let's face it; the odds have seemed to never really be in our favor. But in this moment, and all the moments leading up to this moment, we were blind to the fact that in truth, the odds really have.


	17. Made With Love

**Hi guys!**

**For starters, I just wanted to thank you all for being I-N-C-R-E-D-I-B-L-E supporters of this story, even when I lose track of time and don't update for what seems like forever. I'll try and be better at updating more. Once school is out, I'll probably be able to whip up a few more chapters speedily. Until then, I'll try and update whenever I can. As always, sorry for grammar errors, spelling mistakes, factual inaccuracy, and anything else that is incorrect. Reviews are always welcome. And now, CHAPTER 17!**

The next few days pass in a sort of blur. The next morning we tell Annie the news, and the excitement and happiness seems to glow off of her. Finn might not understand exactly what it means, but he claps along with us and laughs hysterically as his mother bounces him on her hip. Next we call my mother who responds with a simple, "I knew it would happen sooner or later". She asks to be part of the planning and of course I speedily accept. There's no way I would be able to plan this all on my own, and I could really use my mother's guidance. It sure would help make up for all the times she wasn't there. Afterwards we call Haymitch, Effie, Gale, and Johanna whom are all still in the District 12 penthouse in the Capitol. They screech with delight, while Effie nominates herself as my official wedding planner. The news goes over surprisingly well, and by the end of the day it's become a top news story: _The Star-crossed Lovers Finally Get Their Happily Ever After_. Annie's phone is ringing off the hook as reporters and magazines try to squeeze in an interview about our engagement.

By the end of the third day, I've done so many interviews that I might puke should I have to do another one. Of course Peeta did most of the talking, since I'd had no idea what to say. Most girls plan their weddings their whole lives. Not me, though. I was never supposed to get married, or have children for that matter. I couldn't in a world with Hunger Games. And suddenly, in not even a year, my whole world has been flip-flopped and everything I never thought I could or would have, I receive. I even start to believe that my luck might be changing, that _our_ luck might be changing. But of course, I couldn't have been more wrong.

Not only do I have no idea how to plan a wedding, but also I have five other women with opposite opinions trying to win over my approval. My mother, Johanna, Madge, Annie, and Effie all help plan, and every appointment seems worse than the one before it. First the invitation appointment was disastrous, and then the venue was impossible to decide, and let's not even talk about choosing what food to serve at the reception. The only parts I take pleasure in are designing the cake with Peeta, and choosing a wedding dress out of the dresses from Cinna. Peeta and I have always been compatible, and scheming the cake is literally a piece of cake. It's also the only time I get to be alone with him besides at night when we're both too wiped to do anything more than cuddle. All this wedding talk keeps my head spinning nonstop.

As August begins to come to a close, Peeta and I begin to talk more and more about the wedding. We'd decided to make the date September 14 because it was the first time we really met. It's special to him and me, even though it's only in a few weeks. It needed to be the date of our wedding. Effie had a fit about the date, but managed to pull some strings and make that day _our_ day.

As Peeta pulls me close to his body on one of the last summer nights, he whispers, "I have and idea for us."

"Hmmm," I respond as he nuzzles his nose against my ear.

"Let's drop-out."

"Drop-out?" I question while turning my bodies so my eyes lock with his.

"Yeah, drop-out. Let's not be a part of the planning anymore. It's wearing you and me both down, and wouldn't it be fun if it will all be a surprise?"

"But I'm the bride, don't I have to participate and—"

"Shhhh," Peeta whispers while putting a finger to my lips. "You have five wonderful women who would be happy to work without you. We have Effie as our coordinator, and Johanna as your Maid of Honor. We have some powerful women planning this whom are highly capable. Just relax, okay? Besides, it's not like you know anything about planning weddings."

"I do too know how to plan a wedding!" I object.

"Right…so tell me Katniss. What's the difference between a theme and a color scheme?"

"Well a theme is….um…you see a color scheme has to do with the colors and…um…" I look at Peeta while biting my lip only to find an amused smile lingering on his lips.

"Okay, so I'm no wedding lingo expert. And I don't really care all that much whether we have ivory or off-white chair covers. All I care about is that the man I'm marrying is you." I say while nudging Peeta in the side before planting a soft kiss to his lips.

"Good, that makes two of us." He squeezes me into a tighter embrace and continues, "Besides, I could use some more time with you. I miss you, and would like to spend some time with you before the wedding." I smile and respond with a short and sweet, "I would like that." I just know Effie is going to flip over this, but still, I can't help but feel as though a load has been lifted off my shoulders.

Just as I expected, Effie was frazzled by the idea. However, the girls apparently became much more productive once I was gone, so perhaps it was a blessing. Meanwhile, Peeta and I spend our time together doing everything. He teaches me how to paint, which I'm not very good at, and I attempt to teach him to hunt. Most days I spend reading while he paints, or we take walks through District 4 in order to acquaint ourselves with the city. Peeta still visits Dr. Aurelius daily, and during that time I normally check up on the girls, A.K.A. my bridal party. Johanna is top dog with the role of Maid of Honor, Madge and Annie make up my bridesmaids, Effie my wedding advisor, and my mother as my mom. Every time we speak, my mother has tears in her eyes and tells me that there's something very special about the wedding, which only makes me more excited. Surprisingly, I'm very enthusiastic for this wedding, even though I seemed reluctant to it at first.

Although I wish Peeta could stay with me all day and never visit Dr. Aurelius, I understand his motives. Since we're soon to be married, he wants to be ready to live with me, and be safe around me. More or less, he's made it quite clear that he intends to have children. My hypothesis is that he wants to prove to me that he can be safe, and will be safe, ergo I won't have to worry about our children being hurt. The motion is sweet, and it makes me start to rethink my opinion on having children. Maybe having a little Katniss or a little Peeta running around the house wouldn't be so bad.

The only thing that makes this wedding hard is thinking about Prim. This should be her wedding; she deserved a big one like this, yet she may never have one. After our engagement, the quest for her and whoever else might be with her was temporarily postponed, but still my mind can't help but wander to thoughts related to her. Until one night I have a dream. It started off innocent, with just me wandering around District 12. But then it shifted.

"_Katniss?" Prim's soft voice whispered. I whipped my head around to find her standing behind me, hands outstretched. I ran straight into her arms where we embraced._

"_Congratulation on your engagement! I just knew he would propose! You know he was going to after the second Hunger Games, he told me so, but then the whole hijacking things occurred and—oh! I'm just so happy it's finally happening!" Prim rushed out. _

"_Me too. I just wish it didn't overshadow you and my search for you." I reply meekly. Prim gives me a tender smile, and a light pat to the back._

"_That's what I've been meaning to talk to you about. Katniss, I know you love me very much, and you must know that I adore you too, but…" Prim bites her lip nervously, and I prepare myself for the worse. "The way we've been talking it's not going to work for much longer. It's shifting, Katniss, which means you're not meant to—"_

BBBBBUUUUUUUZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

I jump up nearly breaking the arm Peeta had draped around me last night, feeling myself begin to break out into a cold sweat. Peeta leans over and turns off the alarm clock, before sitting up next to me, half asleep, and attempting to calm me down.

"Katniss, what the hell—" He stops midsentence when I begin to cry. "Oh honey, hey, everything's okay." I nod at his words half-heartedly knowing that he's right, but I was so close to some epiphany from Prim, and just like her, it was stolen from me.

Peeta sits with me for a while continuing to comfort me, until he convinces me that staying locked up in our room at Annie's place all day isn't good for a bride-to-be. Reluctantly I concede and we go on a walk on the beach. Peeta brings along a picnic basket that he packed the night before. Throughout the walk he tries to keep my mind busying by playing a game in order to push away the pre-wedding jitters.

"You say a random fact, and then I'll say one. Whoever says the most ridiculous one wins." He explained.

"Okay. Did you know cats sleep 16-18 hours a day? I know for a fact that it's true, I've witnessed Buttercup do it." Peeta nods encouragingly, but I can see his mind already thinking of a fact better than mine.

"Good, but did you know that Elephants are the only mammals that can't jump? I haven't witnessed it, but I'd say it's pretty believable." He gives me a wink and mumble, "Your turn." I take a moment to think, trying to produce the best, mind-blowing fact I can, when it hits me.

"Did you know that the size of your heart is roughly the size of your first?" Peeta shakes his head, acknowledging that he did, in fact, not know that. But then a wide smirk crosses his face and I know he's already one-upped me.

By now we've made it to the beach, and we set down the blanket. I can see him waiting for the perfect moment to say his fact, but the suspense is killing me. Peeta sits down calmly and motions for me to sit on his lap. I do so, and without warning he grabs me around my waste and pulls me on top of him. He flips us over so I'm pinned to the blanket on my back, while his body hovers above mine.

"Did you know," Peeta begins, interrupting himself to plant a kiss on my lips, "That you're the smartest, sneakiest, shrewdest, most stubborn, stunning person I've ever met?" I begin to blush and reply, "Alright, you win—" but as I open my mouth to continue it's quickly covered by Peeta's own lips as his kisses me feverishly. The kiss is short and leaves me lingering, hoping for more. Again he smirks and says, "There's a reason why I brought you here." Carefully, he pulls himself into a sitting position before reaching for my hand to help pull me up. Peeta opens the basket and pulls out two pieces of crisp white paper, and two newly sharpened pencils. I raise my eyebrows, but keep my mouth shut.

"As you know, today is September 12th. Today is the last day we spend together before we travel to the Capitol for the wedding. I wanted to do something special, something we could do that no one else could have any input in. Something that only you could write and only I could write. I wanted it to be something we could share forever, and reminisce about it years later when we think of our wedding. Something we could always say whenever it gets hard, whenever it seems we might not make it through; something that was _ours _exclusivel_y_. So, I took the liberty of telling Effie that we'd write our own vows." He hands me the piece of paper and pencil. "So, let's start!"

"Peeta, I don't know the first thing about writing a vow." I respond slightly embarrassed.

"Sure you do. I've seen you do this before, Katniss. You _can_ do this, and I know it. Besides, you seem to work best spontaneously. Think about when you did what you did for Rue in our first Hunger Games. What did you feel? How did you know what to do and say?" I think about it for a moment, and nod my head. I can do this. Peeta smiles at me, and finishes unpacking our lunch.

The rest of the day is spent writing, erasing, re-writing, and scratching out endless letters. Even with 26 letters, I can't seem to be able to say what I want to say with any combination of them. Throughout the day we take breaks, but my mind continues to wander back to my vow. I know what I want to say, but how do I say it?

The day ends too soon, and suddenly we're being whisked away on a train to the Capitol. Peeta sits with me the whole ride, gripping my head tightly. This is the last time I'll see him until the wedding night, and the thought of sleeping without Peeta scares me. Luckily, that night I sleep soundly, and by morning the butterflies have formed in my stomach. I read over my vows while my hair is being done. My previous prep team made the trip to see me and just_ had_ to do my wedding. Flavius curls my hair into an intricate knot with primroses lingering in the most impeccable places. Venia and Octavia make me up, and fix every detail until it's perfect. Finally it's time to put on the wedding dress, and my heart drops when I see it. Cinna being Cinna had made two replicas of the dress I wore before the Quarter Quell, just in case of an emergency; luckily neither turn into a Mockingjay when I spin. Good thing he did, otherwise I'd be forced to wear a wedding dress made by someone else. As I'm helped into it, I can't help but think that one way or another, Prim's probably with Cinna. The thought comforts me in the oddest way.

After everyone's left for the beginning of the ceremony, I linger behind to stare at myself. This is it, my wedding day. This is the day I'd dreaded, wished for, and everything in between. My feelings today have quite a spectrum, and I can't help but wish my dad were here to walk me down the aisle. He would have liked that. As though answering my prayers, Haymitch walks in wearing a suit! I turn around, slightly startled, and he gives me a little bow.

"You look gorgeous, Sweetheart." I look down, blushing. "I have to admit, I had my doubts that we'd ever reach this day. You two have had quite the life; particularly not an easy one. But, I'm glad the light at the end of this road was a green one. I just wanted to ask if I could walk you down the aisle." I look up instantly, pushing back tears. I will not cry, not yet. Blinking at the light, I nod my head, and Haymitch approaches me for a tight hug.

"Don't cry, Katniss. At least not until the booze comes out." He winks at me and I let out a light laugh. I take his arm and we stroll to the doors leading into the ceremony. Haymitch gives my arm a tight squeeze as the music begins to play. I recognize it instantly, as the song I sang to Rue as she breathed her final breath. The memory used to make me sad, but now it feels right. This is the piece of Rue I needed on my wedding. I wouldn't want her not to be here, and if this is the closest I get, I'll take it. The doors begin to open and I let my eyes drink in the scene.

"Showtime, Sweetheart." Haymitch whispers.

**A/N: I promise next chapter will have all the "detail" of the wedding. Expect it to be SUPER LONG! Again, thanks for your patience, I love you all!  
**


	18. I Do

**Hi Guys!  
**

**As always, sorry for the wait to get this chapter uploaded. You guys are real sports about me updating new chapters, and I really appreciate that. This chapter I was unsure about posting yet since I wasn't quite sure if it was the way I wanted it to be. However, since I won't be able to post for two months after Tuesday, I decided I should post this chapter and keep writing so I can hopefully post one more chapter before I leave. Only time can tell. Also in this chapter I included a footnote. I realize that sometimes you guys might not be able to read my mind and understand what I mean, so I thought it was important to include it(it's at the bottom of the page). As always, sorry for mistakes and reviews are always welcome and I definitely look favorably upon them. Have fun reading chapter 18! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own any Hunger Games material. It all belongs to Suzanne Collins.**

_ A massacre surrounds me. Blood spills down the walls, and my loved ones lay on the ground. Over there my mother lies crying as blood pours out of her new dress, and next to her lies Madge and Johanna screaming. A little to the right is Gale whose body is blue and shaking uncontrollably. Lastly, I see Peeta, my Peeta, lying crumpled on the alter; his body still and as white as snow. On his lapel rests a singe white rose with blood running down it_.

"Katniss," Haymitch calls, snapping me out of my hallucination. I close my eyes slowly, take a breath and whisper to myself, _I am safe. This is a different Capitol, one that does not want to hurt me. I. Am. Safe. _My eyes dart open and around, slowly and carefully taking in the _real_ scene. The first things to catch my eyes are the flower petals on the ground. No flower girl is in sight, and I look over to find my mother smiling at me knowingly. I give her a quizzical look and immediately she mouths, "Prim-rose," and it clicks. The flowers on the ground are primrose petals, no doubt from the garden outside our house. Prim is my flower girl. If my eyes hadn't already been wet with tears, they certainly are now.

Next I look at the guests around. Some I know, some I don't, but all share a smile of pure joy that they flash me as my eyes scan their faces. I recognize some victors and their children, and suddenly my eyes hit mass rows of empty chairs. Each has a ribbon with the symbol of a district and either a year or a number ranging one-seventy five. As I pass those aisles, I notice a sign that reads, "reserved for those who could not be with us." Again, I feel my heart leap knowing that these chairs are meant for those who suffered unlucky fates all because they were chosen for the Hunger Games, or chose to fight for freedom from the Capitol. I find Rue's name, _my regret*_, and silently make a note to thank my bridal party for this little entity that has made this day beyond perfect. Just knowing that all those who've been gone for so long are finally back, helps me let go of my fears for marriage and know it's okay to keep going even if they deserved it more than me. The best gift I can give to them is to live. And while that doesn't mean I'll stop looking for Prim, it means that the pieces of my heart will be able to persevere when it gets hard. For Her, for Him, and for all of them.

Lastly, I spot the person I've been anticipating seeing most. Standing at the end of the aisle is my future husband, Peeta Mellark, wearing the biggest smile ever. His blonde hair is slicked back and his suit is a crisp white color that reminds me of white lilies. His hands are clasped before him, and shaking slightly. I wink at him, and see him take a deep breath. When I finally reach him and Haymitch gives me away, Peeta whispers, "You look absolutely incredible." I blush for about the twentieth time today, and just nod. In all honesty, I do feel beautiful in my long white gown made by Cinna. It flows outward in a long train, and on top is modest enough to be appropriate, but short enough to be interesting. My hair is wound up in an intricate braided bun with loose curls swirling around my face. My stylists even gave me a small crystal headband that connects to my veil (which is currently covering my face).

I reach into my primrose bouquet and retrieve my vows while Peeta reaches into the breast pocket of his tux to do the same.

"Peeta," I begin, "When I started to write this vow, I was sitting across from you, eating one of your famous loaves of bread. You should know I've never been good with words, but somehow with you everything changes. I lose my head, I don't know what to say, and my normal courage escapes me. You unwind me, and often times you use that to your advantage." A laugh erupts from the crowd, which helps make my hands stop shaking. "And I'd been wondering why this happens. No doubt you're different, but it was only when we were playing your silly game with facts that it hit me straight across the face. " I reach out to take his hand. "They say that your fist is as big as your heart, and that's the only explanation I can think of. Peeta, your hands are huge, which undeniably means your heart is ginormous. You have so much love inside of you, and no matter how many flaws I have or how many mistakes I make, you still love me. And that's incredible, and only makes me want to be a better person, for your sake. And not only do you always love me, you've never been afraid to show it either. The first time you confessed your feelings was on national television! From then on, you take crazy risks, just to show me that you mean it. That you love me." I reach for the ring and hold it to the tip of his finger. "With this ring, I vow to do what you've done for me all this time. I will always remind you that I honestly love you, never forget to tell you how much you mean to me, and sacrifice whatever it takes to make everything okay. I will fight for us even when it gets tough, and I will endure the obstacles alongside you. With this ring, I promise to love you, till death do us part, and even after that, I will still love you."

By now tears are rolling down both our faces, staining the paper with my vows on it. I push the ring onto his finger, and feel his hand hold onto my hand a little tighter. I look out to the audience around us, and hardly see a dry eye in the house. With an anticipated state of mind, I turn back to Peeta, ready to hear what he has written.

"Tough act to follow, huh?" Peeta jokes while opening the piece of paper that holds his vows. Again the crowd chortles, relieving more of the tension. "Katniss, as usual, I could write a million pages of vows for you, because that's how much I could say about our love. However, I'm sure the guests here would probably like to continue on with their lives instead of sticking around to hear me blabber on about us. I'll try and keep it succinct. Ever since our first Hunger Games, you've been the Girl on Fire. Originally it was because of a silly costume, but to me it's always been so much more than that. You have a fiery spirit, in more ways than one. You can be loud, hotheaded, stubborn, etc.; but most importantly you have passion; passion for everything you do. You're fueled by your passion, and even when everyone tells you it's impossible, you challenge that. Me? Well, I'm just the Boy with the Bread. Not quite sure how I got that name, but nonetheless it suits me. You probably didn't think we were going to have this, but I wouldn't have a wedding without a toasting." A little boy runs up with one piece of toast on a stick followed by an older woman, probably his mother, carrying a makeshift bowl of fire. Peeta takes the stick with toast on it, because I'm too surprised to do anything but have a bewildered look on my face. "As I was saying, you're the Girl on Fire, and I'm the Boy with the Bread. It seems only fitting that we combine to form marriage. After all, what do you get when you mix fire and bread? Burnt Toast? And what's the symbol for marriage in our District? Burnt Toast. We're meant to be together, Katniss. And that's why even when they try and separate us, we can make it through. No Hunger Games, no Hijacking, and no revolution could keep me from you or make me stop loving you." We burn the toast, and each take a bite off of the bread. Peeta reaches for the other ring and places it on my finger. "With this ring, not only do I promise to love you forever, but to always come back to you no matter how far away I might get. I vow to protect you and be your shoulder to cry on. I promise to be with you and love you till death do us part, and if there's a life after that I will love you then. Just as I know that flowers will continue to blossom and grow, I know that I love you, and our love will continue to bloom and grow." I stare into those perfect blue eyes, stunned by how impeccable his vow was. I barely register that someone has said, "You may now kiss the bride", but when Peeta lifts up my veil and leans in, I pounce on him. I've never needed him more, never loved him more, but I know now is not the time or place to show it. I pull away once I recompose my thoughts, and mouth to him, "Later." He winks at me, and nods.

The rest of the night becomes somewhat of a blur. So many faces, so many different conversations, and so much dancing that it leaves my head spinning. All around me there are relics from my past to remind me that everyone is here, even those who aren't visible. Wherever I look, I see carefree faces, and I can't help but smile to myself. And when I throw my bouquet, it's no surprise that Johanna catches it. I glance at Gale who's smiling sheepishly. He grins at me hesitantly, and I laugh. Gale deserves to be happy, and he is with Johanna. I predict a wedding in their future. Eventually Peeta finds his way to me. I haven't seen him since our first dance, and to finally spend some time with him is the best wedding present I could receive.

"Why hello there Mrs. Mellark, how does it feel to be a married woman?" He asks while twirling me on the dance floor.

"Surprisingly, no different than I felt before. It sort of like how it is on your birthday, you don't feel a year older even though you know everything is going to be different now." I reply. He nods satisfactorily and spins me again.

"Maybe you'll feel differently after tonight." He whispers seductively in my ear. I can feel my face begin to burn, but Peeta whirls me again and strolls off to talk to more guests before I have a chance to compose myself and respond.

"Tonight," I whisper silently.

And, tonight comes sooner than I would have expected. We arrive back at the District Twelve Penthouse, which tonight is all our own, at around three in the morning. Peeta offers to let me get ready for bed first. As I sit in the bathroom, I feel myself beginning to hyperventilate a little. I'd never thought I'd ever face a moment when I was married, much less about to have the potential of making a new life form. Once the shock of the moment wears off, the fear and worry hits me like a train going 1500 miles and hour. I've spent weeks preparing for this and pushing it off, but now there's no turning back. I take another deep breath; walk into the bedroom and find Peeta nowhere in sight. He's probably off somewhere getting ready, which only increases my nerves. As usual, I get lost in my thoughts and don't even notice that Peeta's entered the room and sauntered over to the bed until I feel his hand on my waist. His hands make all my forgotten jitters return.

"Katniss," Peeta whispers concerned. "You're shaking."

"Am I?" I squeak out.

"Uh-huh" Peeta replies. "Katniss, if you don't want to or aren't ready to do this, we don't have to. I understand." I can hear the hurt in his voice, and as I take another breath I know I can do this. After all, we are married. And I love Peeta, I really do. So why am I so afraid?

"No, no, gosh Peeta, no. It's really sweet of you to be solicitous, but I'm ready. I want to do this." I turn around and look him in the eyes to say the last part. Although it may seem I'm apprehensive, I do mean what I say. Not only can I do this, but also I want to; and I've wanted to for quite some time now. No more pushing down my feelings or trying to tune them out. It's time to face the facts, and the fact is that I love Peeta and want to share and experience every opportunity with him.

The fear in his eyes dissolves, as he leans in to kiss me. This kiss is sweeter and not as needy as the one we shared at the wedding, yet it contains so many more layers. It holds the fear we both share of doing this, the strength we've endured together, the love we feel for each other and so much more. My mind starts going insane from all the love I feel towards Peeta, and my hands slip from his face to the hem of his pajama shirt. I feel him take a breath to steady himself, while his hands join mine to help me remove his shirt. I break our kiss for a moment to look at him, _really_ look at him. I see the scars he suffered for me, the muscle built from a broken life, and the grace in his frame. His mouth finds mine again while his hands find my shirt. He tugs it slightly to make sure I'm okay with this, to which I nod and try to mumble "uh-huh" without stopping our kiss. Once my shirt is off his hands move to my white bra, the one Johanna insisted I wear on my wedding night for precisely this purpose. His hands massage me for a moment, and then move to my back where my bra clasp is located. Gently, Peeta's delicate fingers unfasten my bra. He plucks my bra off my body and tosses it over the bed. My first urge is to cover myself, but I abstain. Instead, I let Peeta's hands guide mine to his waistband. He slips off his boxers easily with one quick move; and everything is exposed. My whole body shakes as Peeta does the same to me, and suddenly we're both lying there next to each other completely bare. Peeta's lips travel down my neck, and I find myself melting into him more and more with each kiss. We try a few new things out, experimenting with this novel idea of touching each other. Surprisingly, I'm not nearly as uncomfortable as I'd thought I'd be, and Peeta makes everything effortless. Eventually, we move on to the main components of the night. I can feel his heartbeat rise with anticipation as he hovers above me.

"So, this is it? This is the moment?" Peeta jokes. His body glistens with sweat from our previous endeavors, and a smile curls at the edges of his lips.

"Yes," I breathe. "I'm ready."

"Pinky promise? Because it's not too late to back out." I laugh, but hold out my pinky and respond, "Pinky promise." We share a look filled with excitement and love; and just like that, my ecstasy level rises. Not only that, but I'm shocked by how good it feels. I'm astonished by the way Peeta flawlessly makes me feel like I've crossed over into a new world with only me and him, by how lovestruck I am, and by how much I'm living in the moment. In my life I've been a planner, a doer, and everything in between. But I've never felt so free or on top of the world as I do now. Nothing in the past or in the future seems to matter but this moment. Which is why I was completely shocked when I read the stick in my hand after throwing up the next morning.

I am pregnant.

***Rue(dictionary translation): Bitterly regret something (something one has done or allowed to happen). I think her name is fitting because in my mind Rue seems to be one of Katniss's greatest regrets since Rue's death was sort of her fault. Oh Suzanne Collins, you're a very sneaky lady.**

**A/N: I know the "rated M" scene may not have been as "rated M" as expected, but frankly I like to write about things that I've experienced and/or personal occurrences, and I am still quite young and have not experienced something like that yet. So instead, I chose to write about the uncomfortableness I felt in a similar but lower scale event, and applied it to what I know from books, movies, and shows. It may not be perfect or amazing, but it's honest; and as a writer that's what I strive to write.**


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